


Home Again

by StormyBear30



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-27
Updated: 2011-07-27
Packaged: 2017-10-21 19:44:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/229039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael and Ben go to Tibet and years later after a terrible tragedy Michael decides to come…but he finds that sometime you can never go home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home Again

***Flash Back***

“Don’t do this Brian” he begged as he stood before the man with a look of pure and open honestly upon his face that it nearly caused his heart to stop beating deep within his chest.

“Don’t do what Mikey…” he returned…placing his hands upon the strong biceps of the man that he was pouring his very heart and soul out to. “Don’t tell the only man that I have ever loved to stop and think about what he is doing before he runs off half way around the country” his words continued…more rushed…more heartfelt as he tightened his grip. “Don’t tell you that I love you with everything that I am. Don’t tell you that it will kill me if you leave me for him. Jesus…” he spat out…releasing the hold that he had on his love as he began to pace before him in utter frustration. “I love you Mikey. I finally have the guts to tell you how I feel about you and in return all you can tell me is that you are running off to Tibet with Ben. You can’t do this…you can’t go. I won’t allow it. You mean everything to me. It may have taken me twenty years to get up the nerve to say this to you…but now that you know you can’t leave me like this”

“That’s not fair Brian” he tried to explain as he walked as far away from the man he had loved over half of his life. “You know that I am with Ben. You know that I love him…”

“No…your right it’s not fair and the truth is that I don’t care” he agreed as he strode across the room and invaded the space that Michael was trying to put between them. “But this is the way that it stands now Mikey. I love you…plain and simple and I am ready to take the next step in our relationship and…”

“You arrogant prick” Michael cut him off…once again moving to the opposite end of the loft before speaking again. “You always call the shots don’t you Brian” his rant continued at a higher decibel as he took up the pacing that Brian had abandoned earlier. “You decided before today that you were not ready to admit that you loved me…that you were not ready for the type of relationship with me that I would have cut off my right nut to be in with you. You decide now…years later after I have developed a relationship with a wonderful man that you are ready to take that next step. It’s now you deciding that I give up everything that Ben and I have planned for the last year because it suits your needs. So what then Brian…” he turned to face the silent man staring at him intently as he continued to speak. “Is it you that decides what happens next. You who decides if we become a couple…or just best friends who fuck occasionally. Then you decide what we do…who we hang out with…what I wear…when…”

“Now who’s not being fair” Brian broke in…a look of saddened anger creeping over his sharp features. “The fact of the matter is that if you leave tonight…then don’t come back…EVER” he pronounced the last word loudly…crossing his arms across his chest as he waited for the response he prayed like hell he would hear.

“Good bye Brian…” Michael replied sadly as he slowly waked across the expanse of the loft…rolling open the metal door. Taking one final glance at the tearful and speechless man he knew that he would love forever…he closed the door on him and all of their memories.

***End Flashback***

He couldn’t believe that he was finally going home. Couldn’t believe that it had been three years since he had left the security of his former life and traded it in for the unknown adventures of life in Tibet with his lover Ben. Just thinking about Ben brought tears to his eyes as he recalled the day that the man who had been the greatest love of his life was laid deep within the soul of the country that he loved with his whole heart. It had been almost a year since his death and yet it still felt as if it was only yesterday. He still didn’t know what had compelled him to stay behind in Tibet after the death of Ben…but what he did know was that he did not want to go back to the land of his birth and try and begin his life again without his lover by his side. At least not right away. He also knew that there was another reason…another love that he had left stunned and broken hearted to be with Ben. So he stayed…stayed for as long as his own broken heart needed to heal and once he felt that his healing from Ben’s death had been fulfilled did he decide to make his way back home to begin the healing of another…the healing of what was once Brian and Michael. The crackling voice of the captain marked their arrival and upcoming landing at the place he had once called home jerked him away from memories of the past…bringing him into the stark reality of his future.

There was no one there to greet him…no one there to crush him within their embrace as they welcomed him back home and into their lives. Tearful sadness slowly began to over take him as he walked down the crowded corridor of the airport knowing that the reason that no one was there was that no one knew that he was back. He hadn’t told anyone because he wasn’t sure how they were going to react to him calling them out of the blue to announce his grand re-entrance into the lives he walked out of nearly three years earlier. He knew that coming back home was going to be tough…but what he didn’t know was just how exhausting it was going be upon himself as he drove down the familiar streets of his former life.

“Where to?” he heard the cab driver ask…jerking him once again from the realm of oncoming slumber. It was at the very moment that his mind and his heart began to wage a bitter battle of dominancy. His mind told him to find a nice hotel…take a shower…get some rest…anything to prepare himself for the upcoming battle that he knew was about to come forth. However…his heart begged of him to visit places that were once such a significant part of his former life. He didn’t know what to do…where to go…but as usual his heart screamed louder…determined to win the battle once and for all. With a small sob caught within his throat he directed the driver to the address of the place that had held so many happy and not so happy memories for him. “You gonna get out or not” the driver spoke rudely moments later as they sat outside the building of his former apartment.

“I just want to sit here for a minute” he replied…trying to control the tears as images of happier times invaded his upset mind.

“Your dime Mister” the cabbie replied…pulling a magazine from off the seat beside him as he lost himself within the sea of naked breasts before him.

He was immediately lost in the memories of the past as he continued to stare at the front door leading to the apartment that had been his secure place from the moment he moved out of his mothers home mere months after graduating high school. It was his first place of sanctuary. The first place that he could call his own as he began his life as a full-fledged adult. He remembered the good times when Emmett asked to stay with him for a short time…only to have that time turn into years of friendship and happiness. It was in the very apartment that he had lost his virginity to some random man who had picked him up at Babylon…a man whose named he no longer remembered or cared too. He remembered all the fun times he had with Brian as they hung out like best friends often do. He remembered the horrible times as well as they would once again attempt to take another step in their relationship…only to have one of them jerk them both back into reality before anything happened. It was in that very apartment that he realized his undying love for Ben…and came up with one of the many plans that he put into action when he lost him and decided that he wanted him back. Yes…that apartment had been an important part of his life…but most important it was in the apartment that Ben told him that he loved him and wanted to spend the rest of his days with him.

“Um…we can leave now” he spoke winded…his breath hitching as he once again attempted to control the overwhelming emotions that he was threatening to drown under. Directing the man to another address…Michael slunk into the seat…wiping haphazardly at the few strays that had escaped from his eyes as he prepared himself to visit another all important haunt of his not to distant past.

He knew his next stop was going to be hard for him…but as he stood before the building that he no longer recognized…he hadn’t realized just exactly how hard it would be. “Sinful Sandy’s Sex Shop” he read the words out loud as he looked through the glass of the window that once held hundreds and thousands of his obsessions with comic books. Instead it was now littered with sleazy gizmos and gadgets that frightened him to his very core. The pain was over whelming as he pushed past the memories and made his way towards the one place that had been a constant in his life from as far back as he could remember. A place known as the Liberty Diner.

“What can I get you” a young man asked him…giving him a dirty look as if to measure if he had enough money to pay for what he asked for. Michael couldn’t blame him for his appearance spoke more of being homeless then anything else.

“I’ll have a cup of herbal tea and the vegetarian special” he spoke…jerking his wallet out of the pocket of his light jacket. Opening it as he pulled out several bills from the many present as he laid them out on the table in order to ease the boys mind.

“Cup of herbal tea and a veggie special” he repeated with a smile as he wrote the order down and disappeared behind the counter. A small smile placated his face as he looked around the diner where he had spent more then half of his life in from the time he was a kid…until the time that he and Ben had went away. He was amazed at just how little had changed since he departure and a part of that made him feel just a little bit better about his decision to come back home.  
“Anything else I can get for you” the same kid asked as he placed Michael’s order before him moments later.

“Yes…” he started slowly searching the diner once again before he began. “Does Debbie Novotny still work here?” he asked about the mother that he hadn’t spoken to since the day that he left her crying at this very same spot.

“You mean Debbie Horvath” he countered…giving the man another look in suspicion. “Why do you ask?” he questioned…becoming defensive of the women that was more like a mother to him then his own.

“Her and I go way back when I used to live here in the Pitt’s” he replied…not feeling it necessary to explain anymore then that. “She was very important in my life”

“Yeah…she has that way about her” he chuckled…even if you don’t want her help you or not”

“Yeah I know what you mean” he laughed despite the fear that was edging its way into his heart. “So how is she?” he asked biting his lip as he waited for his response.

“She’s fine…great even” his bubbly conversation continued. “She and Carl…that’s her new husband just got back from a trip to the Bahamas and they…”

“She married Horvath” he cut him off…not believing that his own mother had gotten married to the man that he truly could not stand without telling him. However…true reality soon set in at the realization that even if she had wanted to there was no way that she could have reached him without going through hoops to find him. Ben and Michael had made it extremely well known to everyone that once they left for their trip to Tibet that correspondences would be few and far between. It wasn’t that they were trying to cut themselves off fully from their family and friends…but that they wanted to be able to enjoy the whole experience of Tibet…including limiting their dealings with the outside world. He didn’t know why after Ben’s death he didn’t get back in touch with anyone so they could help him deal with his grief…but it was a decision he had made over a year ago and one that he had to now live with.

“Yeah she married Horvath” he replied that same suspicious look once again covering his face. “Who are you again?” he asked…peering so closely at Michael that he caused him to begin to squirm within his seat as he considered fleeing the diner as well as Pittsburgh and never going back.

“Just someone that…”

“Hey cutie” he stopped speaking as two figures from his past walked into the diner with a friendly greetings…two children in tow as they greeted the inquisitive kid.

“Mel…Linds…boys” the waiter…just as much of a kids then the ones he was referring too laughed as he forgot all about Michael…focusing his attention of the two giggling boys before him.

Years misted his eyes as he looked at first the older of the two boys…completely bewildered at just how much of a mirror image he was to his father. He knew that if his calculations were correct that Gus would be nearing seven years of age at that time and the fact that he had missed such a huge chunk of his growing up saddened him considerably. It however…was nothing compared to the overwhelming sadness that quickly consumed him as he eyed the young toddler with a face so similar to his own that it quickly brought him back to his own childhood days. It was his son…the son that he had never even laid eyes on before that very day. It was the same son that he had abandoned despite the fact that it nearly killed him to do so. He wondered if his son…whose name he had no clue was even knew about him. Wondered if the only two important women in his life…besides his mother had told him about who his father was and why he had left weeks before he was even born…despite their desperate pleas for him not to do so.

Again he wanted to flee…run from the old haunts of the past and try to forget about new lives that had been created by he and another as well as the lives that had been such an enriching part of him before he left. He wanted to…but he couldn’t as another person from his past entered the diner in loud and vibrant form. He couldn’t control the smile that replaced the frown as his once great friend and former roommate entered through the front door…flouncing his way over to where the tight knit family sat. Closing his eyes he savored the cries of happy hellos as well as shared kisses as he slide into the booth besides the blonde known as Lindsey. He wished against hope that once he reveled himself to these same people that they would accept him as openly and as lovingly as they had in his past…but deep down within his heart he knew otherwise. Picking up his cup of cold tea…he brought it towards his lips in an attempt to collect himself only to stop short as the hairs upon the back of his neck became taunt. He knew he was there without even having to turn around and that alone was almost his undoing…but actually seeing him live and breathing before him completely knocked him for a loop as the cup he had been holding clattered atop the table.

Brian could feel that something was different from the moment that he entered the diner. There was an electricity in that air that he hadn’t felt in years…one that only seemed present when Michael was around. Quickly his eyes darted across the over crowded room in hopes of catching a glimpse of the man who had shattered his heart to pieces years ago…only to feel it die a little bit more when he spotted nothing but the regulars that frequented the place. Scolding himself mentally as he made his way towards the table loaded with his family and friends for allowing himself to feel anything for the man he vowed never to care for again. It was hard for him to believe that it had been three years since Michael had walked out of his life…sending him into a downhill spiral that if not for the invention of his true loved ones he should have died from.

“Hey pop” he heard his son cry out as he gave Emmett a playful love tap on the back of the head before sliding into the other side of the booth.

“Hey sonny boy” he replied with a genuine smile as he leaned across the table and ruffled his young sons hair.

“Hey…watch the hair” he screamed in protest as he quickly ran his fingers through the spiky strands trying to get each strand back to perfection.

“Jesus he in turning more and more into his father everyday” Melanie pouted as she glared at Brian in one of her patient **I hate Brian Kinney*** stares…only to have it turn into a full blown smile of affection as she leaned over and kissed an equally grinning Brian upon his lips.

Michael could only sit in complete and utter shock as he took in the scene playing out before him. It was as if he was in some alternate universe as the two began a back and forth game of playful banter…never once breaking the smiles across both of their faces. He knew that he had been gone for quite a few years and that things would have changed. However…what he hadn’t expected was that hell had frozen over in that it looked as if Melanie and Brian were…dare he even think it…friends. Finally getting his wits about him he continued to watch the friends and family that had at one time loved him as much as they seemed to love each other. Once again exhausting numbness began to invade him as he tugged unknowingly upon the ponytail laying over his trembling shoulders. It was a habit he had developed as he had laid dying in a Tibetan hospital in order to keep him self from going completely insane. It was a strange habit to pick up when you were fighting for you life and your sanity…but as the pain from the constant tugging and pulling washed over him it proved to him that he was still very much alive.

Despite his happy façade and unwavering smile…Brian was becoming extremely aggravated. He could still feel the charge in the air around him that screamed of Michael…but as he once again scanned the emptying diner all he saw were a few regulars and a man sitting two booths in front of him that looked like a homeless bum. Smug disgust washed over him as he jerked his eyes from the insignificant man as he once again scanned the perimeter. “Damn…” he bit out loudly…jerking the entire table from their playful banter as they looked at him as if he had lost his mind. “Sorry…” he apologized…his face reddening at his sudden outburst.

“You ok?” Melanie questioned out of concern as she laid her hand upon his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

“Yeah…fine” Brian mumbled giving her a fake smile as he allowed images and emotions to edge their way into his still not completely healed heart. He hated it when that happened…but it always did and he was powerless to stop them. It was always the same…always the same images of the once great love that nearly left him dead in his tracks. Michael…the only man that he had truly ever loved. The man that he poured his heart and soul out to…albeit nearly twenty years later then he should have…only to have him walk out of his life to be with another. He was angry at Michael…furiously angry…so much so that he sometimes hoped that Michael was hurting as much as he always seemed to be when he thought about him and the way that he ended things between them. He often wondered what he would do if Michael were to just stroll back into his life. He didn’t really know what he would do…didn’t know if he would accept him back into his life with open arms or beat the bloody shit out of him…maybe both. However…the truth of the matter was that he had for all intents and purposes given up on the idea of Michael ever coming back to the Pitt’s much less back to him. He just wished like hell that the all-consuming feelings that were surrounding him would just disappear as he once again laid his eyes upon the homeless man…his eyes widening in utter shock.

“Brian…Brian…” he heard a voice call out to him…jerking him away from the mess of a man sitting in front of him.

“Wha…what” he stammered nervously as he pulled his eyes away from the man for just a second as he looked into the concerned eyes of his newest best friend Melanie.

“I said are you still coming to dinner tomorrow night?” Melanie asked…trying to search her former foes face for some insight of what was going on with him.

“Dinner…” he repeated…darting his eyes back over to the man…then back to Mel.

“Yeah…you know dinner. That thing that we do every Wednesday night. The time where you bitch and complain about the food that we serve you…only to bitch later after you have stuffed yourself senseless. Hey…” she continued…grabbing onto his face as she forced him to break the lock that he seemed to be holding on the homeless looking man a few booths over…when she did not get his normal witty retort. “Are you ok?” she questioned again…wondering what his fascination with the grungy man could be. She knew that he had changed an awful lot in the last few years that she had known him…but she knew that his distaste for the less fortunate was not one of those changes.

“Me…yeah…fine” he stammered with another fake smile.

“You sure?” she asked once again…nudging him forward so she and Linds could get out of the booth.

“Yeah…sure. Dinner tomorrow” he smiled once again as he leaned in and kissed her quickly upon her cheek…then Lindsey’s. “Later sonny boy” he called out to his son…ruffling his hair once again as he waited for the explosion that was sure to come. He couldn’t control his laughter as expected Gus began to rant and rave about his mussed up tresses. “Goodbye baby boy” he grinned towards the always-silent dark haired boy…holding onto mommy Lindsey’s hand with a vice like grip. “You be a good boy ok…” his cooing continued as he scooped the blushing boy up into his arms…spinning him around like an airplane before placing a sloppy kiss upon his ruddy cheek.

“Great…now if he vomits there will be hell to pay Kinney” Lindsey laughed…punching him playfully upon his chest as the family began to make their way for the front door. “You coming?” she asked…stopping once she realized that Brian was not following her.

“Um…no” he replied pulling his eyes from the man with a look of pure devastation plastered across his hair covered face. “I think that I will have another cup of coffee and converse with my good friend Emmett before heading into the office” he responded…once again kissing Lindsey upon her cheek…never once breaking the lock that he had on the not so distant stranger. She didn’t seem to notice as she once again grabbed onto her youngest sons hand as they made their way out into the brightness of the new day.

“Well your gonna have to have that last cup of coffee without me” Emmett chirped…sliding out of the booth as he stood before an unspeaking Brian. “Brian…Brian…did you hear me?” he asked…glancing over his shoulder at what Brian was fixated on. His heart fell for the poor man as he took in his ratty clothing and unkempt appearance.

“What…yeah…can’t stay…go then” Brian blurted out…pointing towards the door in order to get Emmett to stop bugging him. “Emmett wait” he called out as a slouching shouldered Emmett made his way towards the door. With quick measures he slide out of the booth…pulling the pouting man into his arms after kissing him quickly upon his lips. “I’ll see you later at Woody’s tonight…ok?”

“Fabulous” Emmett squealed…kissing Brian upon his grinning cheek before flouncing out of the diner.

“Jimmy…refill” he heard Brian cry out across the expanse of the diner as he picked up his cell phone and made a call. All sorts of conflicting emotions began to rage deep inside him as he debated on if he should try and talk to Brian right there and then…or try and catch him later at the loft when he was away from prying eyes. Closing his eyes for the moment he tried to figure out just how Brian would react to seeing him again after he had let so many years pass…each one more fearful then the last. He knew that Brian would react one of two ways. First and what he hoped would happen…he would be so relieved and happy to have him back within his life that he would grab onto him and never let him go…or he would pound the very shit out of him…leaving him dying and bleeding on the street. So lost in thought he never felt the presence of another standing beside him…only felt the heated rush of air whisper against his ear as hurtful and hateful words echoed within it. “You have a lot of fucking nerve to show your face back here Michael” His eyes jerked open in utter panic as he came face to face with hazel eyes radiating with such betrayed hate that he thought he could literally feel the heat blazing across his face from them.

Blinking back in fear…he jerked backwards as those same eyes that he had been dreaming about for the last year continued to bore into his very soul. He wanted to speak…wanted to say something…anything that would take the hurt and the pain away from those overly expressive eyes…but he couldn’t. His brain refused to cooperate…his mouth frozen in a soundless scream…and then in an instant those beautiful hazel orbs were gone. It took him a moment to get control of his functions and when he finally was able to convince his body to turn around Brian was already out the front door. With speed that he didn’t even think that he could muster he was out of his seat and literally sprinting after the man that he needed to speak to with an all enraptured passion. “Brian wait…” he cried out towards the closing door as he raced through it…only to be caught off guard as a pair hands grabbed onto him unsuspectingly…shoving him forcefully against the brick of the diner’s wall. “Brian…I…” he tired to speak…only to close his mouth at the look of pure and unadulterated hate that was spread out across Brian’s normally handsome face.

“I can’t believe that you have the fucking nerve to show your face back here after all these years” Brian spoke quickly…yet forcefully…never once breaking the lock that he had upon Michael’s ratty clothes. He had always wondered how he would have reacted to seeing Michael again after the way that they had parted all those years ago…but as he continued to stare into dark chocolate eyes that he had dreamed and fantasized about from the moment he left…he knew that he didn’t have to wonder anymore. “I hate you Michael Novotny” he spit out evilly…as he released the hold that he held on him…knowing that those words would nearly cripple the man that he wanted to hurt like no other. “I fucking hate you” his words repeated…almost in a whisper mere seconds later as he moved away from the person he wanted to hit with an all fired hatred…only to pull him into his embrace and never let him go again. He had so many things to say to him…so many hateful things that he wanted to inflict on him…but as he continued to stare into Michael’s shimmering…tear filled eyes he found that he could not. “Do you have a place to stay” he heard himself ask…his mind screaming at him for acting like such a pussy and listening to his heart instead.

“No…” was the only word that Michael could speak as he continued to lean against the hardness of the wall for fear of falling to the ground in a complete mess if he didn’t. His heart beat like crazy within his chest…his eyes threatened to unleash the boundless waterfall of tears that they had been holding at bay as he awaited Brian’s response.

He didn’t say a word…hell he couldn’t if he wanted to as he nodded at the man that had once been such a significant part of his life. He didn’t know what to do next…but his heart once again took control as his hand reached out and took the tiny satchel that Michael had been holding in his hand as he turned and walked towards his car. They rode in uneasy silence…each lost in their own thoughts of the past and the possibility of the future. Neither know what was about to happen next…but what they did know was that despite the long awaited hurt and pain…that they were finally back home where they belonged.

The exhaustion that he had been holding at bay had finally gotten the better of him as he closed his eyes and drifted off into uneasy sleep. Strange and not so happy dreams began to invade his slumber as small whimpers of pain whispered across his partially open lips. It was nearly killing Brian despite all the time…despite all the pain that had passed to watch Michael sit across from him obviously being haunted by some horrifying nightmare. He wanted to sooth him…wanted to pull him into his arms for all eternity and never ever let him go again…but as was always the case his pride would not allow him this. Instead he watched…taking a bit of joy…despite his own pain in the fact that Michael was in fact hurting in some sense. However…this did not last long as the joy quickly diminished and his own ebbing conflicted pain began to set in. “Michael…wake up” he spoke quickly and half-heartedly as he pushed his finger into the chest of the restless man. “Michael…wake up” he said a bit louder and more forcefully…only to jerk backwards as Michael woke up from his nightmare screaming like a banshee.

Scared shitless Brian could only sit there in stunned silence as Michael’s body twitched and shuddered as he jerked his eyes every which way as if trying to figure out just where the hell it was that he was. His heart beat wildly within his throat as tired and petrified eyes settled upon his own…only to close in an instant as howls of bitter pain began to rain over the man. He wanted to sooth him…but again the bitter battle between his brain and his heart continued as he opened his side of the door and stepped out into the cooling day. Several deep breaths were taken before he was able to get control of his own spiraling emotions…and only then was he able to find the strength to walk around towards the other side of the car. He was glad to see that Michael had somewhat gotten control of himself as he opened the door and assisted him out…but as their eyes locked yet again there was no denying that he was waging an internal battle deep within his soul just as Brian was.

“Where…where are we?” Michael stammered looking around an un-familiar neighborhood.

“Home…” he responded…quickly changing his answer at the look of something else he saw in Michael’s eyes. “My home…this is where I live now” he went on…once again grabbing onto Michael’s satchel as he walked towards the small two-bedroom house he now owned.

“What happened to the loft?” Michael questioned…fearful of the answer but dying to know anyway.

“I had to sell it” was his simple remark as he opened the door to his home…holding the door open as Michael walked in.

“But you loved the loft” Michael said sadly as he looked around the plainly decorated…extremely opposite of Brian’s previous place of residence.

“I loved a lot of things back then that don’t mean shit to me now” Brian barked back…purposely staring into Michael’s eyes one last time before disappearing down a hallway.

Michael got the hint. It was an arrow that was purposely aimed directly at his already saddened heart…an arrow that hit its mark with the purest of intentions as he forced away the tears that once again threatened to consume him. With slow and heavy steps he followed the voice of Brian that called out to him as he made his way down the small hallway.

“You can stay in this room for tonight” he emphasized his last word for he had no intentions of ever seeing Michael again after the next evening…but not before he had a bit of payback at the expense of the man that he tried to convince himself that he no longer loved. “There’s a shower at the end of the hall you can use and if your hungry there’s plenty of food in the fridge” he continued to speak coldly as he wrapped his jacket even tighter around his body…pulling his keys out of his pocket as he left Michael standing there speechless.

“Brian…wait” Michael called out after his retreating figure. “Where…where are you going?” he asked…stepping back in fear as a look of pure evil crossed over Brian’s face before speaking.

“Do you think that just because you have breezed back into town after a three year absence that I am just going to drop everything for you. I have things to take care of and people that are of importance to see. Besides…you have no fucking right to ask me anything after you…after you…” and with that said he was gone as he turned away from the tearful man…slamming the door loudly behind him once he was outside. Leaning against the door…he once again pulled in large mouthfuls of air because there just didn’t seem to be enough getting into his lungs for him to breath. “Fuck…” he cried out to no one in particular as he rushed towards his car in dire need of a drink…despite the fact that it was only still very early in the morning. “Justin…I need you” he spat into his cell phone after dialing an all to familiar number as he sped out of the neighborhood. “Your place…now” he responded when the blonde asked him where he wanted to meet. “Yeah…I will…love you too…bye”

Michael could only stare at the bare door in dumb shock after Brian had literally stormed out of the house…leaving him alone and more confused then every before. He didn’t know what to do…didn’t know where to go as he just continued to stand there. He knew that he should leave…run away from the Pitt’s and everything that it stood for and never go back…but he knew that he could not. He was back home…home again to face his demons and all he could do was hope against hope that he was lucky enough to survive them. He knew that the next twenty fours hours were going to be hell. He knew that Brian was going to tear his heart and his soul to shreds…only to have it happen time and time again as he faced off with the rest of his family and friends. “I wish you were here with me Ben” he spoke into the empty space around him as once again tears of remembered pain splashed down his face. “I love and miss you so much” his words continued as he looked up into the ceiling. “And I know that you are with me in spirit and so I beg of you please give me the strength to get through this…because without you on my side I don’t know if I can” slowly and with saddened steps be blew a kiss into the air before trudging his way back towards the bedroom that Brian had indicated for him to stay. He was out like a light before his head hit the pillow…sleeping throughout the entire day and night as nightmares galore continued to haunt his troubled mind.

When he awoke the next morning Brian still was not home as he begrudgingly climbed out of the bed and headed for the shower Brian had indicated was at the end of the hall. He couldn’t believe how thankful he was as the hot water rained down on his battered skin and muscles. He was exhausted…despite his many hours of sleep…but it was more then lack of sleep…it was an all-exclusive exhaustion of the past and what was about to come. He tried to control them…but as the water continued to press against his heated skin so did the exasperated sobs of heartache and pain. He felt lost…he felt alone…he felt as if the world that once held great promise for him…now only held doom and despair. He missed Ben tremendously…so much so that most nights without him were spent praying like hell that some higher power would end his suffering and return him to his love. However…the powers that be must have had something else in store for him…for each morning he woke once again to face another seemingly endless day.

Standing before the mirror after ending his shower…he stared at what appeared to be himself in the mirror. He couldn’t believe how much his appearance had changed in the three years since he had left…not only externally…but internally as well. He knew that it was time to make a change…knew that if life was going to continue to kick him along that he might as well try to gain some normalcy back within it. He hated to see it go…since his beard had been such a necessary part of life living in tidbit…but being there back home in Pittsburgh it served no real purpose…except maybe to frighten people he laughed sadly to himself. It took him close to thirty minutes…but eventually he was able to cut…scissor and shave the long…think beard away. Next to go was the below shoulder length hair but as he held the gray and black strands in his hand be realized he could no more cut his hair then his own wrists. Once again staring in the mirror he lost himself in the memory of Ben’s love of his long locks. Nightly when he was alive he would run his hands through the silken strands as he made passionate love to his lover. He knew it was stupid…but in his mind he felt as if he cut his hair that he was in a sense cutting his last remaining ties to Ben as well.

Afterwards he headed back towards his room intent on catching a few more hours of needed sleep before Brian returned…instead sleep eluded him as he took a good look around the room he had entered. It was no doubt a child’s room…children actually the more he began to look around. From the two beds shaped like racecars…to the numerous toy and games that littered the tiny shelves and dressers there was no denying it. He felt his heart stop beating in his chest as he gazed at the many pictures littering the wall. Pictures of his family and friends in various poises…each one with a smile upon their faces. Tears for what felt like the hundredth time since he had returned home blazed down his face as he realized just how much of their lives he had missed. Birthday party’s…holidays and just plain ole just for the hell of it get togethers. Three years of missing Gus grow up into the tiny man that he was was heart wrenching enough…but as he gazed at the many pictures of his son from those missing years it was nearly enough to kill him. Turning away from the hanging reminders of his missed past…his eyes landed on another picture that was both shocking and yet at the same time calming as well for it was a picture of him and his son in a simple wooden frame. He knew that Brian was responsibly…knew that despite all the hurt and the pain that he had caused him that he had informed his son of his father. Picking up the frame he walked it over to what he hoped was his sons bed…snuggling down under the covers as he inhaled its very scent. He couldn’t wait to meet his son…if he was allowed to meet his son and yet he was comforted by the fact that he was in fact very much alive in his son memory all thanks to Brian.

Brian was a tangled web of emotions as he made his way into the home that housed the man that he still loved and hated with an all fired passion all rolled into one. He didn’t know what to feel…how to react to seeing Michael again after all those years…but what he did know was that it was slowly killing him more and more not to be able to touch him…hold him and even kiss him. Yes…after spending the night with Justin he found that he could once again admit the love that he still held for Michael. He loved him…loved him truly and deeply…but it was a love that would never again see the light of day again as far as he was concerned. He loved him sure…but that love had almost been his undoing once and he knew that there was no way that he could survive something like that again. All he wanted was to get the revenge that he felt he was deserved and then once again make an attempt to move on with his Michael free life.

With slow and tentative steps he made his way down the hallway towards Michael’s room. He wanted to make sure that he had enough time to make Michael look presentable before he began the first steps of his revenge…but as he entered the room and found him clean-shaven he knew that time was actually for once on his side. As quiet as a mouse he moved closer to the bed that he seemed to be sleeping not so soundly upon…peering closer at the face that had been haunting his dreams for the previous three years. He couldn’t believe how different Michael looked to him from the last time he had laid eyes on him. His face was weathered…with wrinkled lines around the eyes that spoke volumes about how hard life had been for him. He ever-present smile was gone and in its place what seemed to be a permanent frown that added years to his not so young life. He longed to see that smile again…despite that fact that he hated to admit even that much to himself.

Tears began to mist his eyes…but he quickly forced them back as he found Michael holding onto the only framed picture of father and son together against his chest as he continued to sleep fitfully before him. Moving to the other side of the room he sat down on the bed that he knew was to babyish for his son Gus…but hated parting with for it held too many wonderful memories and watched him…really watched him. He could tell by the way that Michael jerked his head from side to side…that tiny tremors of fear that coursed through his body…the anguished sounds that whispered passed clenched teeth that Michael was indeed troubled. He could not believe what a bitter battle it was not to just forgive Michael of the past and try to ease some of his obvious hurt…but he couldn’t. He wondered sadly just what it was that had happened to him that could be causing such extreme torment and yet despite the fact that it was killing him he just sat at watched in fascinated horror.

“Ben…Ben no” he heard the man call out painfully as his head thrashed from side to side. “Ben…you can’t leave me…don’t leave me like this…please. Ben…Ben…I love you” the words continued as tears of observable pain slide fastly down his to thin cheeks. Again Brian wondered what it was that had happened to Michael to make him so agitated…so clearly distressed. “Blood…too much blood…no more blood” Michael screamed out in complete horror as he jerked himself forward in the bed…causing Brian to cry out in fear yet again since the previous day in the car. “Ben…Ben…” Michael cried out…searching the room frantically in what he assumed was a search for his lover before falling backwards against the sheets…once again losing himself within his nightmares.

His heart racing within his chest…Brian leapt from the bed as he rushed out of the room in an attempt to compose himself. He hated to admit it…but that last outburst from Michael had frightened him to his very core. He had screamed of blood and Ben…words that didn’t make any sense in the world to him. As far as he knew Ben had died from the disease that had been living inside of him to many years before hand…but as he made his way over to the dresser and pulled out the telegram he had received on the news of Ben’s death from Michael…he found that he wasn’t quite so sure anymore.

To: Brian Kinney, Pittsburgh USA  
From: Michael Novotny Country of Tibet

Ben has passed away. There will be no funeral. Not sure when I will be home. Michael.

It was unemotional and sterile as he read it over and over again after pulling it from the hiding place deep within one of his chest drawers. A nagging fear began to seep its way into his heart as all sorts of horrible images began to invade his mind as to how exactly it was that Ben did die. “Stop this” he cried out to himself…slipping the sheet of paper back into his drawer as he forced himself back into reality. The truth was that it didn’t matter to Brian how Ben had died and even though he was sorry that Ben had lost his life…the fact of the matter was that he was the one that took his Mikey from him. He was the enemy…turning Michael into the enemy as well when he convinced him to leave with him out of the country…instead of staying in Pittsburgh…his home where he belonged. The urge to drink once again presented itself head on as he moved his way past it as he almost ran towards a much-needed shower.

“Jesus Christ Brian…” he heard Justin whine on the other end of the line after he had finished his shower. “You haven’t touched a drink in almost two years and now all of a sudden for two days in a row you are almost drooling for one. I thought this was what you wanted…thought that you wanted him back in your life and now that you have him what?” It was a fair question and one that he didn’t have any answers to at that time. He was right though he did want Michael back in his life. He had thought about it…dreamed about it…Hell he had even obsessed about it and now that he finally did have him back where he wanted him he had no idea what he wanted to do with him. “Look…just remember your steps and you will be fine. I have to get going since I have a ton of work to do before I come over to Mel and Linds place tonight. Call me if you need to talk or even if you just want to cuss me a new one. You know that I am here for you. Love you”

“I love you too Justin…thanks” he almost whispered into the phone…smiling slightly at the way the relationship between the two of them had changed so much since those first days. Justin had turned out to be his savior on more then one occasion after Michael left and he knew that he would never be able to repay him for any of his kindness and love. He had even turned out to be a wonderful man after he grew out of his adolescent twat phase…one that Brian looked to as his equal…his partner if you will on more then once level and a man that he wanted in his life for as long as he graced this earth.

“Seems like you and Justin are still close” he heard a small voice speak out behind him and despite the fact that he had to really strain to hear his words…he almost had a heart attack right where he sat on the bed.

“Jesus…make some fucking noise when you walk into a room or something” Brian ground out…jerking him self off of the bed as he began to nervously fumble with the towel tied off at his waist. “You can’t just walk into my room unannounced. There are going to certain rules while you are staying in my house and rule number one is that you stay out of my bedroom”

“Sorry…” he whispered sadly as he turned and walked away…shoulders slumped as he made his way back down the hallway towards the place he was staying in. Pushing the nagging feelings of pain that were once again beginning to consume him…Brian dressed quickly before making his way over to the closet. Resurfacing anger began to come over him as he pulled out the familiar box that laid in the far back of the closet. The box was dusty and seemed to be unopened…but he knew the contents like he knew that back of his own hand. With hesitant movements he opened the box…removing several of the items inside before closing the painful reminder shut once again and stuffing it back into the hiding place where it belonged. Next he pulled out a few other needed items from his dresser as he headed back towards Michael’s room. Tears once again misted his eyes as he stood silently in the open doorway as Michael sat upon the bed with the picture frame once again held tightly within his hands. “What’s his name?” he questioned Brian never once taking his eyes off of the two separate pictures of him and the son he had never even spoke to before.

“Michael Abraham” he blurted out before he had a chance to control the words.

“They named him after me” he whispered softly…tears slowly trailing down his clean shorn face.

“You and Melanie’s grandfather” Brian returned roughly…once again putting on the hateful Brian Kinney façade that Michael knew so well even after all those years gone. “I tried to persuade them to name him something else…since you didn’t care enough to stick around for his birth…but they insisted” he continued with his severe words…smiling inwardly when he was sure that they had hit there intended mark because once again he wanted him to hurt like he had been hurting all along.

“That’s not fair Brian” he spoke sadly…wiping at the tears tracks down his cheeks.

“Yeah…well life’s not fair most times now is it?” he bit back…throwing the items in my hand at him. “Here…get dressed. We have to be at Melanie and Lindsey’s in less then an hour”

“These…these are mine” he spoke in awe as he held up the extremely faded Captain Astro shirt that was once a main piece of clothing for Michael as well as an equally faded pair of blue jeans. “You…you kept them all this time? But why?”

“Get dressed…” he ignored his line of questioning as he slammed the door to the room shut before literally racing back into his own room for a badly needed cigarette. Twenty minutes and two cigarettes later there was a soft knock at the door and when he opened it he was immediately drawn back to three years prior before Michael ran away from him and everyone else in his life. He felt his breath catch within his throat as he continued to gawk at the man who despite his best efforts he still loved unlike any other. Looking at him it was as if time had stood still…as if none of the hell that was the years prior to that night had happened. Except for the longness of his hair…Michael looked exactly as Brian remembered him…breathtakingly handsome.

“I’m ready” he said sadly and quietly as he walked away from door…leaving Brian alone with his thoughts and his pain once again.

They didn’t speak a word as they drove down the near empty streets of his former youth. Glancing out the window he observed the many changes that had taken place since the last time he had been there. It was as if nothing was the same anymore…that he didn’t recognize the buildings and streets that was once him home…everything was different…even the relationship between he and Brian. Tears once again threatened to pour from his tired eyes…but he controlled them. He knew what Brian was up to…knew that he was being led to the shark tank to be purposely tossed in. He knew that it was going to be a fight and he had to swim like hell or give up and die surrounded by his former friends and family. He sent a silent prayer out to Ben in hopes that his guidance would be enough to get him through that night and into the loving graces of his loved ones once again. “Do they even know that I am coming” his question broke the strained silence between them as he turned to face the tightlipped driver beside him.

“Nope…” was his simply evil reply as he turned to face Michael with a grin so mean and spiteful that it sent shivers throughout his already cold body.

***I deserve this*** he thought to himself as he purposely turned away from the look of pure hatred. ***I deserve everything that I get tonight*** his mantra went on as he closed his eyes…inhaling several deeps breaths into his lungs as he prepared for the fight of his life.

Brian watched out of the corner of his eye at Michael who seemed to be doing some sort of breathing ritual. Guilt for what felt like the millionth time flood his heart once again as he considered turning the car back around and taking the two of them back to his home…but he held strong instead. ***He deserves this*** he thought to himself as the grip that he held on the steering wheel tightened to a great degree. ***He deserves everything that he gets tonight…and then some*** his mind sneered…that same evil grin upon his face growing even wider. But…where his mind was coming up with all sorts of vindictive ways to make Michael suffer for his deeds…his heart was screaming…begging…pleading for him to change his tactics and just love Michael the way that they both knew that he still did. “FUCK YOU” he screamed to his heart…not realizing that it was out loud until Michael nearly came out of his seat in fear besides him. He saw the look of pure devastation that quickly inhabited Michael’s face…saw the way that he pulled himself into almost a ball as he turned away from him and continued to stare out the window.

***You love him…just admit it and allow yourself to be happy now that he is back*** his heart screamed now that it had his full attention.

***Fuck that…revenge is going to be ours. We are owed that much…he owes us that much*** his mind countered sending his whole body into confused overload because in truth he didn’t know what to do anymore.

His mind was a jumbled mess of upset as Brian pulled the car to a stop in front of the home of Melanie and Lindsey. He hadn’t known where that previous outburst had come from but what he did know was that it was directed only at him. Brian hated him…despised him and although he knew that he deserved it…it still tore another hole into his already broken heart. “Get out…” he heard Brian growl as he opened his own door and pulled his lanky frame out of the car. Michael did as he asked… walking behind a speechless Brian as they made their way up the walk.

“About fucking time you get here” he heard a female voice cry out from the open door of the house. “I was just about to call your cell and cuss you a blue streak” the obvious voice of Melanie continued to speak as she rushed up to Brian…planting a kiss upon his lips before grabbing his hand and attempting to lead him into the house.

“I’ve brought someone with me” he spoke mockingly as he let go of her hand and in turn grabbed the lagging Michael’s hand…jerking him up the steps.

“You brought a date?” she squealed giddily…jumping up and down in a happy dance…only to stop short as Brian forced him to come forward. “Holy shit…Michael” she nearly choked on her words as the father of her young son stood silently before her. “Is this some kind of sick fucking joke?” her former happiness turned venomous as she eyed the still silent man.

“No…” Brian mocked…grasping Michael by both sides of the shoulders as he stood behind him…hindering any possible attempts at escape. “In fact Michael has decided to come back to the Pitt’s after…what has it been Michael…a three year absence. What better place to get reacquainted with the ones that he left behind then dinner with those very same people. Don’t you think Michael?”

“Hi Melanie” Michael chose to ignore Brian’s remarks as he stood awkwardly in front of the women who was the mother of his child.

“Is that all you have to say to me Michael Novotny?” she questioned him madly…moving herself forward until she was mere inches from his face. “You leave the country weeks before the birth of your son…never trying to get in contact with him or us for three fucking years and now you have the nerve to…”

“Mel…Brian…what the hell are you doing out here? Dinners getting…OMG” Lindsey burst out onto the porch…stopping short as he eyes fell upon a guilt ridden Michael. “What the hell?” she asked…looking first and Brian and then her wife as she tried to come up with what she was seeing before her.

“All will be reveled soon…won’t it Michael?” he chuckled evilly…pushing past the two stunned women as he entered the house. “Hey everyone…look who’s coming to dinner” he laughed at his own attempt at a joke as he shoved Michael into the middle of the room filled with his former friends and his family.

Raised voices filled with shock and anger echoed around him as he stood as still as a statue before them. He didn’t know what to say…was too petrified to move as he was ogled from head to toe by the same people who once were such a large part of his life. He could feel their looks of disgust and hate as he looked from one to the other in hopes of finding a friendly face…but he found none. Not one of the people who had claimed to love and care for him could even give him a shred of compassion and despite the fact that yet another hole was added to his already beaten heart…he knew that he deserved it. A flushed heat began to cover his body quickly followed by perfuse sweating as he took a cleansing breath…looking towards the ceiling as he sought solace from the spirit of his dead lover. ***Give me the strength to get through this Ben…I beg of you. I need you more now then I have ever needed you before*** he begged silently as he took a final deep breath before taking the first step towards what he hoped would be a healing process.

Brian watched in fearful fascination as Michael once again stared up at the ceiling as if in deep thought before taking a step towards the group of people standing angrily before him. He was being torn in half as one part of him wanted to protect Michael from the onslaught that was about to come…but again the other side wanted him to be ripped to shreds until he was a tattered ball of nothingness. “What are you up to Brian” he heard his former lover question him as he walked up beside him…his eyes roving between Michael and himself.

“Just bringing the prodigal son home” was his candid remark as he crossed his arms across his chest as he waited for the games to begin.

Tears once again tried to assault him as he took the necessary steps towards the women who had been the largest part of his life from the time he was born. He couldn’t believe just how much she had changed since the last time he had seen her at the diner and it saddened him to know that he had been the cause of such a change. Gone was the red…curly wig that was so much a main stay of Debbie Novotny all of his life. Instead her hair was cut short and combed back from her face. Strong gray hairs screamed out through soft blondness making her look older then her years. Her face looked old and wrinkled as she stared at him through eyes that once held such a precious sparkle of life. That special light he noticed however was gone as he continued to walk towards her tearful frame…her new husband Carl standing protectively behind her. “Ma…” he whispered fearfully…standing only a few inches from her as he tried to read the emotions scrawling across her sad face.

He expected harsh words…maybe a smack across the head as she verbally abused him before pulling him to her bosom…but what he got instead nearly killed him right where he stood. He didn’t have time to react…and wouldn’t have even if he had wanted to as a hand that had usually been there in time of need and love came crashing across the side of his face. It wasn’t painful…at least not as painful as the tear that raced across his heart as she went in for another round…only to be stopped short as her husband grabbed onto her…pulling her tightly within his arms. His heart bled even more as she hid her face within the crevice of his neck…fully ignoring the fact that her only son was back. “Carl…” Michael whispered…for his throat was too heavy with emotion to say much more. He should of known that Carl would have chosen his mothers side as he wrapped his arms even tighter around her thinning frame as he lead her off towards the back of the room.

Accepting his first defeat he turned once again towards the crowd as he moved towards his once great friend. “Em…” he spoke in that same almost dead whisper…praying to high heaven that Emmett Honeycutt the kindest soul on the planet would take some pity on him.

“You have a lot of nerve showing your face back here after all this time” he spoke in nasty tones as he crossed his arms over his chest…a hateful sneer across his tight lips.

“Em…I…” he tried to speak…but Emmett was having none of it as he shot a hateful look Michael’s way.

“Only my close friends are allowed to call me Em” he bit out through clenched teeth. “You no longer reserve that honor since you are no longer my friend” his words of hate continued as he too moved away from Michael…but not before shooting one final look of pure hate his way for good measure.

“You have no right to be here” he heard the clearly upset voice of Melanie speak abruptly behind him as he turned to face the red-faced women. “Why the fuck would you come here after all this time and think that everything is just fine?”

“Mel…Melanie” he thought better of it after the outburst from Emmett. “I’m sorry for everything and I want to make things right. I’ll do anything if it means that I finally get to meet my son” he spoke truthfully…clenching his fists together so tightly in wait of her response that he literally drew blood.

“What…are you fucking kidding me?” she blew up before him…getting inches from his face as she grabbed onto the front of his shirt…pulling him even closer to ensure that he understood her every word. “You leave weeks before the birth of your son to traipse half way across the world with no regards to me or your unborn child. You didn’t have the decency to keep in contact with any of us to ensure that we were fine and you expect to just waltz in here and demand to see your son. I don’t fucking think so”

“I’m not demanding anything” he fought back…trying once again to control the tears and the pain within his heart. “Please Melanie…I just want to see my son. I just want to hold him in my arms just once if that’s all you allow me. I’ll do anything…get down on my knees if I have to just to lay eyes on him…to have him know that I am here and that I love him”

“You love him…you didn’t love him that much when you were doing god knows what in fucking Tibet” she recounted…pushing him backwards as he tripped over his own feet falling to the floor awkwardly. “You will never have anything to do with you son if I have anything to do with it” she screamed out madly…lunging for Michael once again as he continued to sit on the floor tears blazing from his eyes. “I hate you Michael Novotny…I fucking hate you” her cries continued as Brian pulled himself away from the wall he had been leaning on…pulling a distraught Melanie into his arms. “Why did you bring him here?” she asked angrily…pounding him upon the chest as he pulled her even tighter into his arms. “We were so happy without him…everything had changed and…”

Michael didn’t need to see anymore as he pulled his down trodden frame from off of the floor…wiping at his painful tears as he took one final look around the room before beginning to speak. “I came here in hopes of making amends with the friends and the family that I love so much…the same ones whose spirit and love got me through the toughest time of my life after Ben’s death…but now I see that it was all a façade. I didn’t think that there would ever be anything bad enough that would come between the people that meant the most to me…but again I was wrong. I thought that your love and support was unconditional…just like mine has always been for you” his words tore at his very soul as he cried openly and honestly at the people standing around him in angry fashion.

“Spread your shit somewhere else Michael” Emmett was the first to trump up as he moved forward in order for Michael to understand his words. “Because the point of the matter is that if you loved and cared for us as unconditionally as you say…you would have never left us the way that you did. You were only thinking of yourself when you just strutted out of town…and out of our lives. So now you come back home and you expected what…that we would just pull you into our arms and scream words as to how much we missed you. Not happening in this lifetime” he continued to speak. “On the day that you walked out of our lives…you severed the ties to us. You and you alone are responsible for that one mister”

He could only stand there in blind shock for a minute before he got his wits about him. “Emmett that’s not true” Michael rushed out…moving towards his one time friend…only to have him jump back as if his touch would scaled him. “I didn’t just strut out of your lives. You knew…you all did” he went on tearfully as he drew his eyes to all the people glaring at him. “We talked about it repeatedly. Emmett you helped me shop for the clothing that Ben and I needed for the trip. Melanie…you and I went online to find out as much about Tibet and its culture months before we even bought the tickets. Mom…you were constantly reminding me to bring you home something nice so you could add it to the mantle place. You were all involved in the preparation of this once in a lifetime trip as I think you called it Lindsey. Even you Brian…” he turned to face Brian who stood behind him…Melanie still embedded within his embrace as he snickered out loud. “You were the one that bought the tickets for me at a discount from some trick you fucked at Liberty Travel”

“Yeah…we knew about your trip Michael” Brian agreed…pulling away from Melanie as he walked over to where Michael stood. “We may have even help plan it…but we never expected you to follow through with it and we certainly didn’t expect you to be gone for three fucking years” he stressed the last three words…lightly misting Michael’s face with his heated spray.

“I…I can’t believe this” Michael said in complete shock as he once again took a look around the room…seeing the undeniable truth in all of their eyes. “None of you expected me to go. So…you’re not really pissed at me for leaving even if it was for three years…you’re pissed that I even had the audacity to leave at all” he replied in utter shock as everything began to become crystal clear.

“Fucking Right…” Brian burst out angrily…shoving his hands deep within his pockets before he wrapped them around Michael’s neck and began to strangle him. “You didn’t care enough about us to stay. All you could think about was Ben and his needs…your own needs...but what about our needs Michael? Your mother…the lesbians…Emmett and even I needed you and you didn’t care enough to stay”

Blind shock began to inhabit him…then anger as he fought the strangling need for air. “Your needs…your needs” he nearly exploded…the rooms beginning to spin crazily around him. “It was your fucking needs that drove me to leave in the first place” he cut out…not caring if his words left marks in their hearts or not…because it was apparent that they didn’t care about the damage their words left on his. He could vaguely hear the huge outcry from the surround group…but yet he continued. “Mom…needed me to be the stand in husband that she didn’t have…expected me to be the man that took care of everything and anything that pertained to her and her home…with no regards for me and my life. Mel and Linds…you expected me to give up my parental rights…despite the fact that you knew how hard it was for me growing up without a father. Even after you agreed to give me parental rights…you constantly nagged and reminded me that this was your baby and that I was basically the donor. It hurt me every time and yet I said nothing for fear of completely losing those rights at all. You may have not wanted to give me my rights without a fight…but you sure as hell took advantage of me whenever the need presented itself. Emmett…you needed me to be there for you when Teddy began with his drug abuse and I was there for you every step of the way. I took care of you…I gave everything that I had to try and make you happy once again and yet when I needed to be there for Ben and even myself…you turned your back on me. But Brian…you were the fucking worst” his anger continued to spiral out of control…as did the tears racing down his reddened cheeks.

“I don’t know what the fuck your talking about” Brian spit out…moving away from Michael out of stone cold fear.

“For years I loved you…was in love with you and you knew it. You knew it and yet you pretended not to notice. You fucked your share of tricks in front of me…used me…abused me and plain out hurt me. You tortured me just enough to make me think that you wanted me…that you might love me almost as much as I loved you…only to pull back when it became to much. It was a game for you…a way to keep your pathetic Mikey on a string whenever I tried to move on. Jesus Brian…I was so in love with you that I gave up everything…including my sanity for the tiniest glimpse of hope…only to always come up empty handed. And then I met Ben…and everything changed for me. I fell in love with him…deeply in love with him and you hated that. I tried to move past the love that I felt for you and I almost succeeded…but what you never realized was that I could never fully get over that love. Ben knew that though…and despite that he still loved me. He allowed me to love you unconditionally…because he knew that I was capable of loving you both. You on the other hand never got that. You didn’t give two shits about the fact that Ben and I were together until you realized that I was going away with him and yet you still helped me to get the tickets and make the travel arrangements. You promised to take care of things for me while I was gone…you told me that you were happy for me and you had no idea what that meant to me. But…” he sobbed…wiping at his tears once again. “It was all a lie. You didn’t mean any of it because deep in your heart you figured that the love that I held for you was going to make me stay and when it didn’t you came up with another plan”

Guilt descended over Brian as he continued to listen to Michael’s words…words that rang so true that it guilted his already guilt-ridden heart even more.

“A week before I was supposed to leave you went for broke and spoke the words that I had been dying to hear for to many years to remember. You told me that you loved me…that you wanted me and that you didn’t care what you had to do to make sure that I stayed. You used every trick in the book to weaken me…to make me change my mind…but it didn’t work. What you didn’t know was that I was wise to your little tricks…since you had been pulling them off and on from the moment that I met you. I wanted to give in. Oh how I wanted to give in to you…but you see Brian…I couldn’t. I couldn’t give into you because I knew that those words that I had been dreaming about hearing weren’t true. You didn’t love me…at least not the way that I loved you and the truth of the matter was that I wouldn’t have risked the love that I held for Ben despite it. You were angry and you were hurt and instead of being a man and pushing it aside like we always did in situations like that…you turned my whole family against me. I know it was you that put the bug in all of their ears about how I was abandoning them…knew it was you that continued to fill their head with the idea that I no longer loved or cared for them…because the friends and family that I knew would have understood that leaving Pittsburgh was all about me. I needed to go…needed to be with the man that loved me unconditionally. I needed to be away from the games and the dependence…if only for a short while. But the thing is that once I got there I realized just how desperate I was for a change. I felt guilty as hell…but the break from my life was exactly what I needed…but never once did any of you ever stray from my mind. I was wrong to stay away for so long. I was wrong to cut you out of my lives as thoroughly as I did…but the truth of the matter was that you all knew how to reach me...and not one of you ever put out the effort to try. So hate me…despise me…think of me as the horrible person that you all seem to think that I am…but know this that despite all your hatred and spite I still love you all the same as I did before I left…especially you Brian…if not more”

They all watched as a tearful and broken Michael raced out the door…watched and waited so see what Brian was going to do next on baited breath. “Go after him Brian…” Justin was the first to speak when none of the others seemed to have the nerve too. “Go after him and make this right Brian…because you know in your heart that all his words were true. You got hurt…you got embarrassed and you did the only thing that you could…you lashed out and turned every single one of them against him. Shame on all of you…shame on you for allowing Brian to manipulate you…but most importantly shame on you for abandoning the man who has been there for all of you whenever you needed him to be”

“And what about you Sunshine…I seem to recall you doing your fair share of bitching and moaning about Michael when he left you and Rage behind” Brian sneered…smiling slightly at his words of truth.

“Your right I did…” Justin shot back quickly…his own grin covering his face as he did. “But what you didn’t know was that unlike all of you…I kept in touch with Michael or as much as I could considering he was constantly traveling from place to place”

“What…” a chorus of voices echoed out in shock around him.

“He left a number at the hotel…a number that he gave to you all before all this shit happened. He gave you instructions of how to reach him…but after you decided it was easier to hate him then to fight for him…you so easily forgot. I was upset with him…yes. Hell…I even hated him for awhile myself…but I got over it because despite all the differences that Michael and I have had over the years he had always been there for me when I needed him. I heard from him from time to time and when I did I gave him updates on every single one of you…because despite the fact that he knew you were upset with him…he never stopped loving you and wanting to know how you were doing. He didn’t want me to tell you this” he continued…looking straight at Lindsey and Melanie. “But…on the day that he found out that he was a father he opened a college fund for his son. He sunk every left over dime that he had into that account and has been ever since. The huge bouquet of beautiful flowers that you received after the death of Ted…the one with the unsigned card…just kind and loving sentiments that you loved so much…that was from Michael” he went on…watching as Emmett covered his stunned face upon hearing the news.

“Well he never did anything for me” Justin heard Debbie cry out to the then silent room.

“No…your right Deb. He never did anything of monetary value for you. I didn’t even tell him that you and Horvath got married…because I knew that it would break his heart to know that his mother was getting married without her son by her side. He may have never given you away…or even bought you the biggest most expensive wedding gift…but he gave you the most precious gift of all…he gave you the gift of his undying love and you just threw it back in his face. You should all be ashamed of yourselves…but you most of all Brian because out of all of us…Michael never loved anyone more then he loved you. You were his everything and you used it against him time and time again. You broke his heart so many times from the first time that I met him that I lost count. However…I admit that I got some pleasure out of it at the beginning…but after awhile it just made me feel sad for him. Michael has got the kindest…most generous heart I have ever seen in a human being and all of us one time or another had abused it. He had to leave…don’t you see it yet. He had to leave for his sanity. He found a love so true with Ben…a man that accepted him for all his faults and still loved him with so much passion. Ben was exactly what Michael needed…because wither you want to believe it or not…little by little before meeting Ben…Michael was slowly dying before our very eyes”

Turning he face the man who had basically remained silent throughout his entire speech…a man who he had loved and lost…yet secretly still loved. He didn’t think that it was ever possible to hate Brian…but as he continued to look into his cold…almost dead eyes he was quickly proven wrong. “Don’t you have anything to say?” he questioned…his anger coursing throughout his body as Brian continued to stand before him in stone cold silence. He knew that look well for he had seen it many times before he and Brian had decided to split for the final time in their relationship. It was a look of smug arrogance…a look that said that he knew deep within his heart that he was wrong…had done wrong…but there was no way in hell that he was ever going to admit it.

“I owe him nothing” Brian finally bit out…regretting it in more ways then one when a hard and heavy fist sent him careening to the floor.

“You own him everything you fucking prick” Justin screamed…holding his stinging fist against his chest with his other hand. “You know Brian you can be so dense sometimes” he laughed angrily besides himself. “You owe Michael your very existence” he went on with what he hoped was the opening of Brian’s eyes. “You remember when you decided that you wanted to start up your own advertising agency after Vance fired you…well I lied when I told you that my father had decided to forget that I was gay and give me back my inheritance. My father could give two shits as to if I am alive or not or you for that matter…but Michael did. He’s the one that wired me the money for you to have the start up capital that you needed. He also knew that you couldn’t afford to pay for my schooling anymore…so he paid for that too. He didn’t care that we were angry with him…didn’t care that we might have hated him…all he cared about was that we were in trouble and he went into action”

“How…what did he do rob a bank or something” Brian chuckled uneasily…jerking back as Justin once again came towards him in anger…only to be stopped by a fully frowning Carl Horvath.

“No you son of a bitch” Justin returned as Carl continued to hold onto him. “He sold his whole fucking life for you…for all of you. He sold the comic book store and used that money to give you the income you needed. The rest came from Ben’s condo after selling it. He even sold the rights to the book Ben’s had been working on despite that fact that it nearly killed him to do so because after his death it was still unfinished and it was Michael who took it upon himself to finish it…for all of you. He practically sold his fucking soul to ensure that you were all taken care of…because that is the type of man that he is”

“You should have told us” Lindsey spoke up almost silently behind him…causing his anger to grow even more. “You shouldn’t have kept something of this importance to yourself. We had the right to know”

“He didn’t want me to tell you…in fact he begged me not too because he didn’t want any of you to think that he was trying to buy your love back. But the fact of the matter is…” he went on with a evil sneer that he knew was piercing Brian’s once frozen and revenge filled heart. “You should have known all along that it was him…because I could have never came up with that kind of money. But…not only that…because it was such a Michael thing to do”

With a final look of snugness at the remaining silent Justin whipped out the front door of the house in search of Michael. He didn’t have to look far as he found the man sitting curled up nearly into a ball on the curb at the front of the house. “Still waiting for Brian I see” he laughed sadly…cutting his lines short at the look of pure devastation that was plastered across Michael’s face as he looked up at him. “Come on Michael let me take you to my place”

Michael couldn’t move…not a single muscle as he allowed Justin to lift him off of the curb…offering a solitary shoulder as together they walked off towards his parked car. No words were spoken…but again he could not as the exhaustion of the day continued to ebb deep within his very soul. “Let me help you” he heard Justin speak softly beside him as he stood in front of the open door…hand out in a form of helping. Closing his eyes he took that hand and once again allowed Justin to lead him towards the place that he called home. The emotional overload was too much as he walked into the small…yet stylish apartment of the only person who had shown him any real kindness since his return home. With a loud anguished cry of pain and heartache he fell to the floor losing what was left of his sanity in the form of heart wrenching sobs.

Justin was at his side immediately as he pulled the shuddering and pain filled man into his arms…whispering soothing words into his ear…placing warm and loving kisses upon his wettened face in an attempt to calm the storm weathering deep within Michael. He couldn’t believe the amount of pain that literally poured off of him as he clung to him as if for dear life…and Justin was more then willing to be his lifesaver. “Just let it out Michael” he soothed…as he continued with his love and respect. “Your safe here…you can lose yourself here and no one will judge you. You’ve always been so strong…always given so much of yourself to everyone that you meet…well now its time for someone to return the favor” his own tears got the better of him as he laid the two of them upon the softness of the carpet…pulling the shivering form as far into his arms as he possible. Forcing him to lay his head upon his chest he continued to speak of his unwavering love and respect…until Michael finally fell uneasily silent. “Michael…” he whispered against his ear…sliding his hand gently upon the side of his face as he moved his head as to look into his tearful eyes.

“Thank you Justin” Michael spoke barely above a whisper. “Thank you for having enough compassion to let me fall apart. I can’t believe how hard it was to not have any of the people I love return that love. I just wanted to be touched…held within their arms and be told that everything would be alright” he hiccupped…his words laden with his obvious pain and fatigue. “It’s been almost a year since I’ve had an real human contact and since Ben’s death I didn’t realize how much I missed it till today. I guess when you held my hand it just proved to be too much. It was as if it all came crashing all over me once again and I just couldn’t deal with it any longer”

“I will always be here for you Michael…always” Justin vowed as he leaned in and pressed his lips against his trembling ones. “Just as you have always been there for me…for all of us. Come on now…lets get you off of this hard floor and into bed” he spoke with a small smile as he reluctantly removed himself from Michael’s grasp as he helped pull him off of the floor. Together they made their way into Justin’s bedroom where Michael didn’t put up any fight at all as he undressed him slowly. “Holy fuck Michael” Justin cried out in petrified shock at the sight he saw before him.

Michael wanted to fight him…wanted to push him away and cover up the battle scars of his past…but truth be told he just did not have the energy. He was tired…a form of tiredness so heavy that he knew that nothing would ever cause it to go away. With quick and jerky movements he covered the reminders of his past with his hand as he tried to turn away from an open mouthed Justin…but changed his mind quickly as he removed that hand for he was finally ready to finally tell his tale. “Can we lay down?” he asked softly as he looked from the stupefied Justin towards the bed he longed for more then anything at that particular time. “and then I will tell you everything”

With nothing but a nod Justin laid Michael across the softness of the bed…stripping down to his own underwear before sliding onto the bed himself beside him. He waited for Michael to speak as he continued to gape at the obviously emotionally painful scars littered across Michael chest and stomach. He thought he had fallen asleep when he closed his eyes moments later…only to slip them open again…once again full of tears as he began with the story of the previous year of his life.

“The day started out like any other day. Ben and I woke up early…ate breakfast with the family that we were staying with…before getting ready to go to work for the day. None of us had any clue that by the end of the day Ben would be dead and I would be near death” he began…his voice quivering and full of pain as he took several deep breaths before continuing again. “It was a beautiful day Justin” he went on. “We were staying with a family of yak herders” he laughed sadly…looking deeply into Justin’s eyes before falling back into his story. “They were living in this small town. There was nothing there…no running water…no phone or electricity…but it was absolutely perfect. I loved my life there with Ben and the small group of herders. They were the nicest people and although they didn’t understand the relationship between Ben and I…never once did they judge us. They accepted us whole hearted when we literally just traipsed into their town and offered us shelter and friendship. Ben and I decided as payment that we would help them with their herding…figuring it wouldn’t be that hard…but it was the hardest amount of work that I have ever done before. We were up at the crack of down…working the fields all day and then in bed before sunset. It was the most gratifying time of my life…unlike anything I had ever experienced before” he smiled slightly again as he thought of the happy times he had shared with Ben. “We had heard that their had been some trouble in a neighboring town…something about bandits…but we didn’t pay any mind to it. We figured the town was so small and that we were safe. But…we weren’t safe…far from it as these bandits blew into town and robbed us of everything that was worth anything to us…including Ben. They came in the middle of the night and before we had a chance to put up much of a fight Ben was dead and I was bleeding to death. I don’t really know what happened after that night. I remember watching in horrifying detail as they raised the gun to shoot me…remember Ben jumping in front of me to protect me and then falling to the floor dead instantaneously. They were stunned for a moment before they turned the gun back on me again and then I woke up weeks later in a hospital located at the capital”

Justin could only stare in blind wonder as Michael took another few deep breaths…wiping at his eyes before starting once again with his incredible story.

“I knew that Ben was dead when I woke and for a time there I prayed that Buddha…god…anyone would take me as well so I could be with him…but it never happened. Eventually the wounds healed…but the scars…mentally and physically were constant reminders” he said tracing the many buck shot bullet holes covering the front of his body.

“That’s why I didn’t hear anything from you this past year…you were recovering in the hospital” Justin spoke more to himself then Michael as the pieces began to fall into place.

“Yeah…” was his soft reply. “After I woke up I developed an infection in my chest” he said…pointing to one of the scars located right beside his heart. “It was the worst pain that I had ever experienced in my life as I fought for my very life. Once the infection was under control I had to deal with the emotional aspect of everything that had happened and that was even harder then the physical pain. I knew that I should have come right back home after that…but I couldn’t. I had one more trip to take…one last thing to take care of before I could come back” sobs once again inhabited his body as he allowed Justin to once again pull him into his arms as he attempted to continue. “I had to go back to the town where we had been staying. I had to say goodbye to the people who had been so kind to us…but most importantly I had to say goodbye to Ben. I found out once I returned that they too had lost some of their loved ones in the raid and accepting Ben as family they buried him along with those they lost in their family plot. I couldn’t leave…not at first as I settled back into life with that family…until one day I woke up and I realized that I missed and needed my own family so desperately. Two days later I was on a plane and here I am today. Alone and hated by the very same family that I was dying to come back too”

“They don’t hate you Michael…they are just hurt and confused and…”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore…please” Michael begged…tears once again littering his cheek as Justin leaned forward and kissed him once again. At first Michael was stunned when the simple kiss seemed to be turning into something more…but soon he could not control the need to just feel alive as he opened his mouth and accepted Justin’s tongue into his own. Back and forth their tongues explored the deepest recessed of each other’s mouths…until the need for air became eminent. Their was no rushing…no all out need to fuck each others brains out for those kisses were more of a declaration to prove that they were still very much alive. “Thank you Justin” Michael spoke earnestly as he once again leaned in and kissed him softly upon his life radiating lips. “Thank you for everything that you have done for me. I know it was hard to keep my secrets from everyone…and for tonight…right now. It means more to me then you can ever know”

“Michael I…” Justin stammered guiltily staring into the darkest eyes he had ever seen before. “They know everything now” he sputtered out…closing his eyes as he waited for Michael’s response…continuing when he didn’t receive one. “I was just so angry and he…they were all so smug in their judgments of you that I had no choice but tell them. I am so sorry”

“It’s ok…its all over now. Everything is out in the open and I can move on with my life now”

“Move on with your life now” Justin repeated…his heart beginning to race within his chest. “What does that mean? You not thinking about leaving again are you?” he questioned fastly…grabbing Michael upon the side of the head as he forced him to look at him once again. “I know that once they know about Ben and the fact that you almost lost your life too that they will change their mind and…”

“Lets just go to sleep Justin” Michael replied cryptically as he kissed the young man once again before snuggling his face within the warm crevice of his neck. It was a long time before either one allowed slumber to overtake them…each deep in their own thoughts as to what Michael was going to do next now that most of the truth was out to his friends and family.

The next morning Michael woke to the delicious smells of bacon as it wafted through the closed door of the bedroom…but also the raised voice of the only man to show him any kindness since his return. With quiet steps he walked down the hallway…leaning against the wall as he listened to the angered words of Justin. “Stop being an ass Kinney and get over yourself. You have no idea what he has been through in the last year. The fuck you do…you think you know but you don’t know shit. You owe him at least to listen to him. You know what…fuck you. I don’t give a shit. I’m part of that company too and I will come in when I get there. Fire me then…see if you can find someone else to put up with your bullshit” and then with a loud bang…the phone conversation had ended as Justin slammed the receiver back onto the phones base.

“I don’t want to be any trouble Justin” Michael spoke sadly as he finally made his presence known. “I’ll just get my stuff and leave”

“You’ll do no such thing” Justin replied quickly…turning away from the phone that he almost threw across the room in anger all thanks to Brian. “Brian is just…well being Brian. So…” he went on…pulling Michael into his arms before placing a simple kiss up on his cheek. “How about some breakfast and then we can play catch up some more” With determined measures he led the clearly upset man towards the dining room where he forced him to sit upon a chair before heading back into the kitchen.

Michael felt horrible for putting his only real friend into the situation that he had…but as Justin placed an over loaded plate of food in front of him all thoughts quickly vanished. They sat in thoughtful silence as Michael continued to stuff his empty belly with the bounty spread out before him…Justin drinking only a cup of coffee as he observed him. “Boy you must really be hungry” he laughed…breaking the silence before taking a sip from his cup.

“Yeah…a little” Michael giggled…embarrassed at how much of a pig he was being. “It’s just that I haven’t eaten very much since I left Tibet”

“I bet you miss it…don’t you?” Justin asked as if to gauge Michael’s reaction…because deep down he had a huge fear that Michael was going to bolt from their lives once again and never be seen or heard from again.

“I’ve only been back as few days…but yeah I miss it” was his saddened reply as his mind drifted back towards happier times and happier days. “I miss waking up in the early morning…snuggling with Ben as the morning sun burned off the chill of the air. I miss eating breakfast with our adopted family as we shared in the morning duties. I even miss chasing after the yaks that strayed from the herd” he laughed remembering how hard it was tending to the herd of unruly beasts and how much he hated it. I miss the open fields…the beautiful mountains. I miss the beautiful clean air as Ben and I enjoyed all that the earth had to offer us. It’s the most beautiful country I have ever seen Justin” Michael went on…a far away look inhabiting his face. “There’s no TV…no modern conveniences…but I’ve never been happier any place in my lifetime…even the Pitt’s. I miss my adoptive family…at least they loved me without question…with all of their hearts” Michael went on sadly…tears misting his eyes before he took in a deep and cleansing breath…willing them away.

“Michael…” Justin treaded lightly…unsure how to say what it was that he wanted to say. “Do you…do you think that the reason you miss Tibet so much was because of Ben?”

“I don’t know…maybe” Michael spoke truthfully as he pushed the nearly empty plate away from him. “It’s just that I’ve been so…” he was unable to finish the rest of his sentence as once again the tears…the pain and the soul crushing heartache of loss and betrayal consumed him. Justin was at his side in an instant…holding him…kissing him…just being there for him and that meant more to Michael then anything in that world at that time. “I’m just so lonely Justin” he finally bit out choppily. “I’m so fucking alone”

“You are not alone Michael” Justin corrected…kneeling before the troubled man as he tightened his arms around his slender frame. “Fuck them…fuck all of them” he continued louder…his anger getting the best of him as he straightened himself up…taking Michael with him as he lead him towards the bedroom. “You are here…back where you belong and I am going to prove to you once and for all how important you are…if not to them…then to me”

“What…how?” Michael questioned…looking around the room as if trying to figure out how in the hell he had gotten there.

“Like this…” was Justin’s ragged response as he jerked his shirt over his head…then doing the same to Michael’s.

“Justin you don’t…” Michael stopped him as he began to work on the buttons of his jeans.

“I want to Michael. I want to make you feel alive again and because this isn’t only about you…I need to feel alive too” With inspired movements he quickly undressed the two of them…taking in the glory that was Michael’s body.

Michael didn’t know what that meant…but what he did know was that he needed to feel alive again…at any means possible. It had been to long…been to many years since another man had touched him in the ways that a man should. He had forgotten what it was like to feel the body of another pressed up against his as his body was inspected…explored and inhabited. He didn’t know what this would mean between the two once sworn enemies…but he didn’t care as Justin laid him across the bed once fully nude.

He waited to see if Michael was going to put up any resistance to what they were about to embark on…and when he didn’t’ receive any he once again began to proceed. He knew that he was doing this for Michael…but he also know that he was doing this for himself…because like Michael he felt completely and utterly alone. “You’re so beautiful Michael” he whispered as he lay across the thin body of the man that he was about to make love to…and despite the fact that he was almost bone thin…he found that he actually meant it. Soft kisses were once again exchanged…but they only led to more explosive ones as the need for complete contact consumed the two of them.

His head was swimming…his body humming as Justin nipped…teased and kissed his way down his body. His body involuntarily arched forward as a tender nipple was dragged into his mouth…before creating a suction that soon had Michael moaning with needful abandon. It couldn’t believe how with just the simplest of touches he felt more alive then he had felt in such a long time. “Justin…” he whimpered…winding his hand within his blonde locks as he urged him to continue with his foreplay. Closing his eyes…he couldn’t help the smile that crept across his face as he felt Justin’s hand creep up the side of his body…cupping his cheek as he held his head in place. It was a smile that widened even more as inch by agonizing inch he maneuvered his way down his stomach…across his pubic bone placing a tender kiss upon his partially erect penis. Once again his body took control as it nearly arched completely off the bed as a warm and wet mouth descended upon his manhood. He couldn’t believe how wonderful it felt to have that kind of attention placed upon him…how the sensations of electric shock raced up and down his spine with each swipe of a glorious tongue. Warm and salty tears slide slowly down the side of his face as images of another…the only man who ever loved him fully and completely invaded his mind. It was then as Justin continued to provide him with oral pleasure did he realize just how much he longed for his lover.

“It’s ok Michael…just pretend that I am Ben” he soothed…looking up over the expanse of his stomach at the once again tearful man. He could tell by the look of tortured pain that Michael was hurting much worse then he was letting on and little by little he was determined to make those demons disappear forever. He didn’t know why it was that he had become so protective of Michael…but in the previous few years Michael had come to be someone that Justin respected and admired. Setting back to his task…he leaned down and once again consumed his penis into the deepest confines of his mouth. Placing his hand at the base of his cock he continued with his action until Michael was squirming…moaning and then coming like crazy within his mouth.

“Beeen” he heard Michael cry out. Sadness began to descent upon the younger man at just how much Michael must have missed Ben. However…he pushed it aside at least for the moment as he reached across the bed…plucking a condom from out of the drawer before pulling himself into a kneeling position. “Please Ben…please…I need you now” his cries of passion continued as Justin fitted the condom perfectly upon his dick…before situating Michael’s legs over his shoulder. With a final look upon the man lying so open and ready before him…he pushed his way forward…fully sheathing himself within his depths. Closing his eyes he forgot all about the image of the man that he was fucking…allowing per the norm the image of Brian to barrage his mind. He knew that things between the two of them were over for good…but despite that no matter how hard he tried there was no denying that every man was compared to his greatest love. It was Brian that he was fucking at the very moment…Brian who was crying out in ecstasy as he increased the magic of his motion. It was Brian whose legs he clasped onto as he finally gave into his explosion…filling the condom to full capacity. It was Brian whom he kissed as they basked in the afterglow…but it was Michael’s face that stared out at him with hollow eyes as he slowly came back to reality.

“I’m sorry that I called out Ben’s name” he whispered guiltily…still staring into Justin’s eyes as he tried to understand the underlying sadness pooling there.

“It’s ok Michael” he assured with a small smile…trying to cover his own grief…but finding it impossible with the way that Michael was gazing at him. “We were both thinking of other people” he said…knowing that Michael would understand why he said it.

“You’re still in love with Brian” he spoke matter of factly as he reached up and cupped Justin’s cheek within his manly hands.

“Yeah…” he replied sadly…laying his hand atop Michael’s.

“Then why aren’t you two together. I mean…you two have been through so much. You even sounded like an old married couple on the phone earlier this morning” Confusion began to coat him as he tried to figure out the complex relationship that was Brian and Justin.

“We tried getting back together after you left…but things just didn’t work out. He was different…broken. I don’t think you realize how much your leaving affected him” Justin remembered sadly…as he pulled Michael’s nude body against his own and continued. “The day that your left he came to Daphne’s apartment drunk as I have never seen him before. He was ranting and raving about how he wasted twenty years of his life on a loser” he went on…wanting to smack himself across the head at his words as he once again saw that same look of sadness in Michael’s eyes that had been plaguing him from the moment he saw him. “Sorry Michael…I…”

“It’s ok…go on” Michael urged…swallowing down the never ending supply of tears that seemed to have sprung up deep within his beaten soul.

“It was that very night as he lay almost passed out on my bed that he finally told me that he loved me…that he wanted to be only with me. I knew that he was drunk…knew that he was hurting because you had left him…but I didn’t care. I knew that Brian loved me…but I also knew that it would never compare to the love that he held for you. I had finally heard the words that I had always wanted to hear and I was damned determined to make things work between us that time. The next morning when he woke I knew that he had no remembrance of what had happened and what he had said…but as usual he pretended that he knew and that he had everything under control. We never even had a chance because it was later that very night that everything started to go downhill for us as well as for him.

Cold fear began to inhabit Michael as he continued to listen to Justin’s words. It was fear of the unknown…fear that the events that had transpired were related to his departure. However…most importantly it was a fear that things would never be the same between the two of them again.   
“We went to Babylon that night and everything was fine. Then Brian just disappeared. We searched everywhere for him…but he was nowhere to be found. I think that we scoured every avenue of the streets that night…called everyone that knew Brian…and yet we still came up empty handed. About five that morning we gave up the search…stopping off at the diner for much needed coffee and nourishment…only to find Brian passed out in the alley beside it. There was no denying what he was on and where he had been…but we all pretended that everything was fine as we took him back to the loft and sobered him up. After that it was much of the same…only the distance between the times he disappeared got longer and longer”

“He became a crystal meth addict?” Michael asked in shock…already knowing the answer at the tears in Justin’s eyes.

At first he could not speak as he fought for control of the sob caught within his throat. But…he knew that he had to finish the story in order for Michael to understand the amount of hatred he felt from everyone…especially Brian. “He doesn’t have much of a recollection of it now…which is a huge god send…but it was nightmare for the rest of us. It continued to happen off and on for the next six months. He would disappear for days at a time…his job prospects dried up…he had no money left to his name and then…and then…” the tears once again got the better of him as he wept openly in front of Michael…as images of what happened rained over him again.

“What…what happened?” Michael questioned fearfully as he pulled away from Justin…needing as much space as possible. “Tell me…” he yelled when he got no response.

“I…I…don’t really know what happened per say” as he allowed the sobs of pain to continue. “Only that he had been missing for nearly a week when I got the call from the hospital that Brian had been found nearly dead in a crack house. They didn’t’ know if he was going to make it or not…but his chances did not look good. He was in a coma for weeks before he came out of it…with no memory of what happened…where he had been or whom he had been with. You should have seen him that first night after they allowed your mother and I to see him. He was a mess. He was stick thin…large black circles under his eyes and the track marks…” he cried out…shuddering at the image that hit him head on. “He had track marks all over his arms and chest…even places that we couldn’t see from what the doctor said”

“I can’t hear anymore…” Michael blurted out…removing himself completely from the bed as he went in search of his clothes.

“You were the first person that he asked for when he came out of his coma. He had forgotten that you had left. In fact he got out right obnoxious when we told him that you had” Justin called out after Michael’s retreating figure…forcing him to stop and face him once again. He watched as he made his way back into the room…sitting on the edge of the bed silently…as he waited for him to go on. “Despite the fact that he fought us tooth and nail…he finally admitted himself into a drug treatment center and completed the necessary hours needed…but nothing really got better after that. Once he came back home he was filled with such rage that just about everything set him off. He cut himself off from everyone…including me and became somewhat of a hermit. I knew that he was angry…but I never knew how much until I got another late night phone call this time from the police station”

Once again cold fear inhabited Michael as he tried to control the urge to bolt once again. Mentally he cursed himself for ever coming back to his place of birth…now that he was beginning to find out the truth of what had happened while he was gone.

“He had nearly beaten a man to death over the fact that he had messed up his coffee order” he went on…sliding next to Michael as he wrapped his arms around the slightly swaying man. “It was horrible the extent of the damage he did…but luckily the man survived and thanks to a huge cash settlement from all his friends and family…we were able to keep it out of the papers and him out of jail. However…he now has a record at the police station and he was ordered to attend one hundred hours of anger management classes. It was rough going at the beginning since he fought the counselor tooth and nail…but eventually he got through to him and Brian is a better man for it today. I know you don’t believe this Michael…but he is completely different from the man you knew three years ago. He’s kinder…more loving and there isn’t anything that he would do for any of us…especially the kids”

“I…I saw him with Mel that day in the diner” he stuttered. “I…I couldn’t believe that they were the same people that hated each other before I left” he went on in awe…still stunned at the loving scene that had played out before him.

“Yeah…it still stuns me each time that I see it” Justin laughed…glad to ease some of the tension from the room. “They are so sickening some times that it makes the rest of us want to scream”

“Is it because of the classes?” Michael asked…laying his head upon Justin’s shoulder.

“Yes and no…” Justin’s giggles continued…causing Michael to smile as well. “What actually happened was that Mel was ordered to take the same classes after she punched out her boss at the firm” his laughter got louder as he recalled the frantic phone call he had gotten from Lindsey…alerting him that she needed someone to watch Gus as she went and bailed her wife out of jail.

“What…no way” Michael laughed despite himself.

“Yep…he had tried to remove her from some huge case that she had been working on and one day she had had enough and just clocked him. Broke his nose and knocked out two teeth…but she got her message across. They ended up in the same class and despite their bitter opposition at first…the two of them soon became best friends”

“I bet it did…” his laughter got the better of him…making him feel just a bit better as he allowed Justin to pull him into a hug…before the two of them laid down for a much needed nap. Hours later Justin woke to find Michael still sleeping beside him. With a full stretch he slide his frame from off of the bed…making his way towards the bathroom for a much needed piss. Loud and incessant banging hindered his progress as he walked over to the front door…opening it to find a highly pissed of Brian.

“I was wondering if you were coming to work today since you promised to deliver the story boards for Leather and Lace’s commercial to them personally” Brian said sarcastically as he pushed his way past a nervous looking Justin. “But I guess not judging by your attire” he leered…looking him up and down in his near nakedness.

“Shit…the boards…I forgot” Justin rushed out…rushing back into his room as he searched frantically for his clothes. “Ok…” he huffed…moments later as he frantically tried to pull his shoe on and walk at the same time. “I have just enough time to get to the office and get the boards and deliver them” he called out over his shoulder as he raced out the door. “You stay here because when I get back we are going to work through this thing with Michael” and with that said he was gone.

“Nothing to work through” Brian replied to the empty room as he fell into the chair behind him…plucking a random magazine from off of the table. Flipping through it…he glanced at the pages unaffected by the men who were lack of clothing. Instead he found his line of site drifting back to the hallway where he knew Michael must have been sleeping. Irritated and unable to just sit…he jerked himself up from the chair as he began to pace the immaculate living room. He was a man with torn emotions as he fought the urge to walk into the room he knew Michael to be occupying and watch him sleep. He knew that it was going to be a battle that he was going to lose as he began to creep as silently as possible towards the room…only to rush back to the chair he had just left seconds earlier as Michael’s voice wafted through the air.

“Justin…do you think that you have a change of clothes that I could borrow while…Brian” Michael cried out in blind shock as he walked into the living room and found Brian looking at what appeared to be an upside down magazine.

“Mikey…I mean Michael” he squeaked…wanting to kick himself in the head at his childish behavior…only to grow worse at the realization of the wayward magazine. “Holy fucking shit” he cried out…forgetting about all thoughts of being embarrassed as he looked upon Michael’s bullet hole ridden chest. “OMG Mikey…OMG” his cries got louder as he rushed forward intending to pull his long time love into his arms…but stopping short as he stood unnerved before him. “Wha…what happened to you” he asked…trying like hell to maintain his cool…but finding it harder and harder to go on with it.

“Nothing…” Michael cried out in defense as he wrapped his arms around his chest before running back into the bedroom…slamming the door and locking it behind him. “Shit…shit…shit…shit” he began to chat as he paced quickly the length of the bedroom over and over again. Tears once again bled from his eyes as the over whelming emotions that Brian always seemed to evoke consumed him. He knew what he had to do…he had to leave and he had to leave as quickly as his feet would carry him. Not wanting to deal with another confrontation with Brian…he did the only other thing that he could as he packed up all his meager belongings into his satchel and escaped out the window of the room. Complete despair and desolation overwhelmed him as he ran as hard and as fast as his feet could carry him away from Justin’s home and all people who at one time meant the world to him. He ran until he could run no more…falling onto a park bench near exhaustion as he tried to figure out what in the hell he planned to do next. Moments later he still had no idea…but what he did know was that he had to get as far away from Brian and the Pitt’s as possible before he lost what little that was left of his very soul.

“Where to Mac?” he heard the driver of the cab he had called earlier ask him as he slide across the worn fabric of the seat.

“I’ve got three hundred dollars” Michael spoke tiredly…leaning back against the softness of the seat. “Take me as far as you can take me”

“I can’t take you out of stateliness…but I can take you to the nearest airport and…”

“NO…” Michael cried out…jerking himself forward as he stared into the eyes of the cabbie through the rearview mirror. “Not the airport…or the bus station. Just take me as far as you can and make it as quick as you can”

“Sure buddy…cash up front though” the driver said…looking the scruffy looking person sitting in his back seat. He didn’t know what the man was running from…but by the look on his face and his homeless appearance he knew that he was running just the same. “Buckle up” he said with a smile as the man slide a crisp one hundred dollar bill at him…eyes bulging greedily out of his socket as he held up two more for him to look upon.

“You get the rest after you take me as far away from Liberty Avenue as possible” He heard the man say…watching as he slide across the faded leather as he quickly jerked the car into oncoming traffic.

“He did what?” Justin questioned madly as he raced past a forlorn looking Brian and into the bedroom he had shared with Michael the previous night. “How could you just let him leave like that? What did you do to him Brian?” He accused…poking the taller man in the chest instead of punching him out like he wanted to.

“I…he…I…I didn’t do anything” he stammered full force as he fell into a nearby chair behind him. “One minute he was coming out into the living room looking for you and then the next minute I saw what looked like gun shot wounds…” the world around him began to go dizzy as he leaned forward to steady the pace…tears misting his hazel eyes. “Were they…gun shot wounds?” he questioned…still bent over as he looked up at Justin.

“Yes…” Justin replied softly…tears wetting his own eyes as he too recalled the horror that was spread out across Michael’s chest and stomach. “He almost died from those wounds Brian. He lost Ben at the hands of the men that did that to him…but he pulled through to come home to his family…only to find that they didn’t want him anymore. He’s gone now and you have no one to blame but yourselves” Justin bit out spitefully…knowing that Brian was dealing with enough guilt upon his own to not add any more to the mix…but he wanted Brian to feel worse. In fact he wanted his whole entire fucked up family to feel worse and he was damned sure that he was going to make that happen…he just didn’t know how he was going to go about it.

“We could go after him” Brian spoke up with a determined voice…shoving his hands within his pockets in search of his keys. “He can’t have gotten that far…it’s only been a little over an hour or more. We could go in search of him and bring him home and…”

“No…he needs this time to heal…mentally and physically. You didn’t see him the way that I did Brian…broken and drained to his very core. He thought he was coming home to his loving…but probably upset family. However…he got devoured by the wolves and you were the leader of the pack. He’s going into hiding and if and when he is ready…he will come back to us” Justin didn’t know if his words were true…or if he was just saying them to make himself feel somewhat better for everything that had happened…but what he did know was that he had a plan to make them pay on the behalf of Michael and his broken spirit.

One Year Later…

“This has got to be the most amazing story I have ever read” Michael heard his publisher Morty Grant exclaim as he held the final draft of his book within his hands. “Jesus Michael…it wasn’t bad enough that you had to deal with losing your lover but then your family as well”

“Yeah…” Michael replied sadly…hating the fact that it had been almost a year since that day he had ran away from Brian and the Pitt’s and yet the memory still brought tears to his eyes.

“I take it that you haven’t made amends with the family then?” Morty asked…handing Michael a tissue because the same thing happened each time Michael’s friends or family were mentioned during each session he had with his favorite writer. He knew the story not only from the words that leapt off of the page…but from his client as well. “Well maybe once they read this things will be different” He tried to give not only his client but his friend some hope as he placed the book upon his messy desk.

“It really doesn’t matter anymore“ Michael lied…leaning forward and taking a breath before he went on with his charade of lies. “They’ve gone on with their lives and it’s time that I get on with mine. That’s why I’ve decided that it’s time to get out of here”

“Good idea…get out of town for a few weeks and clear your head and when you get back you…”

“No Morty…I’m leaving New York…the states for good. I’ve decided to go back to Tibet. I was happy there and lets face it since I’ve been back I’ve been nothing but miserable” He said with a frown…dying to get as far away from the painful memories of going back home as soon as possible. “It will be a clean slate if you will” He tried to convince his publisher and friend…as well as himself because he knew that if he had to be true to himself that he really didn’t want to leave without making amends with his friends…his family and with Brian. However…after his last confrontation with Brian he knew that there was nothing left to try and work out. Brian and the rest of his family hated him and made it clearly obvious that they did not want him back in their lives…except Justin. He debated calling the only man to show him any remorse and understanding…but decided against it. He needed a clean break and crawling back to Justin was the complete opposite of what he needed.

“Michael…Michael…listen to me” He heard Morty’s panicked voice cry out to him. “You can’t just up and leave New York. We have much to do before your book comes out. We have press and signing tours. I’ve booked you on all the best talk shows and radio spots. I know that your story is going to be a major hit…maybe even spawning a movie deal if we play our cards right. Think of all the money that you will be raking in…or the gorgeous actors who will be playing you in the movie” He hoped he was temping Michael with his plan…enough to make him rethink his crazy ideas of moving not only out of the state he had called home for the last year…but the entire country as well.

“None of that means anything to me Morty…you know that” Michael replied sadly…laying his hand upon the mans hands clutching almost death like upon his shoulders. “I wrote the book as a way to expel the demons that have been haunting me since Ben died and now that I have done that its time for me to leave“

“Michael…please…just give me a couple of days…one talk show…that’s all I am asking for” Morty cried out…once again gripping his shoulders. “Just one show…a few days and then you can leave for Tibet…please” He begged…getting down on his knees because he knew that despite the fact that he would be rewarded for Michael going on a book tour…leaving the country without resolving certain issues in his life would be detrimental to Michael’s mental state.

“Morty…Jesus Christ…get off the floor” Michael scolded him like a child as he helped the older man to his feet. “Ok…just a few days and only one talk show. I mean it Morty…only one. After that I am on a plane to the one place that I belong”

“You got it Michael…one talk show” He called out towards the retreating figure of his client…waiting until the door was shut to call in his secretary. “Shelly…get in here…NOW” He screamed into the telephone…nearly jumping out of his skin when the women he called for rushed into his office in a full panic. “I need you to find a Brian something of other that lives in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania” He barked out…shifting through Michael’s transcript in hopes of finding something to jog his memory of the man who haunted Michael’s heart.

“Brian something or other…” Shelly cried out in annoyance. “Could you be a little more specific?”

“Jesus…it can’t be that hard. All I know is that in the book he is called Ryan…but I’ve heard Michael refer to a Brian several times though conversation. He lives in Pittsburgh and is in advertising of some sort. It’s important that we find him because it we don’t we are going to lose Michael Novotny and his incredible writing talents once and for all”

Shelly didn’t say another word because the look of sadness that plagued her bosses face was enough to let her know that this task was of the highest importance. “I’ll let you know when I’ve found something” She said with a smile before retreating back to her computer and her desk. Fourteen hours later she found what she had been looking for before passing out at her desk…the last thing she thought of before hand was how much this was going to cost her boss.

“Kinnetik Advertising…how may I assist you?” He heard a cheerful voice speak through the line.

“I’d like to speak to Brian Kinney” He said…praying like hell that he could speak to the only man that he knew could talk some sense into Michael.

“I’m sorry Mr. Kinney is with a client at the moment. May I take a message and have him get back to you?” The same cheerful voice went on…irritating Morty beyond belief.

“Listen…it’s important that I speak to Mr. Kinney as soon as possible…it’s about Michael” He practically yelled into the phone…his head pounding like mad as he waited to hear a dead tone at his outburst.

“You know where Michael is?” The women cried out…losing her professional demeanor. “OMG…Brian’s going to shit” She spoke more to herself then the complete stranger on the other line. “I mean…hold for one moment please and I will put you through” She corrected herself before placing the man on hold. “Excuse me Brian…” She spoke softly entering her bosses office without so much as a knock. “You have a very important phone call on line one” She went on…biting her nail as she stared at the man glowering at her.

“Well if it isn’t the fucking president of the united states then take a fucking message” He barked at her…slamming his fists upon the desk in frustration. “Can’t you see that I am busy”

“It’s a man claiming to know where Michael is” She pointed out…biting her nail in half at the look of pure shock covering the unshakeable Brian Kinney’s face.

“Who is he? Where is he calling from?” He questioned madly…staring at the phone at his side as if it would give him all the answers he craved.

“I don’t know” She answered hesitantly…reaching forward to pick up the phone. “But its your first real lead in four months so lets not make him wait any longer. Sir…” She said placing the phone at her ear before taking it off of hold. “Hold for Mr. Kinney please”

“Brian Kinney speaking” Brian spoke into the phone in a cool and calm voice…despite the fact that he felt as if he were going to faint on the spot. “Tell me where he is and what you know…”

 

A Week Later…

“Are you ok?” Morty asked Michael as he sat on the couch in the green room of the worlds highest rated talk show.

“I feel like I am going to throw up” Michael admitted as he sat before a large mirror with high powered lights blasting heat upon his already over heated face.

“It’s just nerves…” Morty laughed…glancing at his watch worriedly for the tenth time since they had arrived. “You’ll be fine once you get out there and meet the host”

“I’m so glad that I only have to do one of these things” Michael sighed heavily as two women continued to apply large amounts of make up to his face. “By this time tomorrow I will be halfway around the world and on my way back home”

“Michael…your home is here. No…in Pittsburgh no less” Morty spoke up…still determined to make Michael changed his mind about moving.

“Was…Tibet’s my home now” Michael reminded…staring at the man though the mirror before him.

“Ok Mr. Novotny…were ready for you now” They both heard a very perky women exclaim from the door way. Her chatter was incessant as she walked the trembling man to the side stage…her hand on his back before pushing him out once he had been introduced to the audience.

“Hello Michael…and welcome to the show” He heard the host of the show say to him once he had shaken her hand and made himself as comfortable as possible on an oversized chair. For the next several minutes they exchanged ideal chitchat before delving into the depths of Michael’s soul induced novel. “Now…it must have been extremely hard for you to come back home after the death of your lover and you near dying yourself to learn that your family wanted nothing to do with you any longer as well. They felt as if you had abandoned them and yet you would think that one would side with them after you just up and moved to another country with you lover. However…after reading your book and everything you did for them despite their anger…you can’t help but hate them right along with you” The host went on…egging her guest on in preparedness of what was to happen next.

“I don’t hate them” Michael spoke up sadly…tears misting his eyes as he looked everywhere but the camera. “I could never hate them no matter what has happened in the past. I just wish that they would have given me a chance to explain to them but…” His words were cut off as an outburst from the audience caught his attention.

“Daddy…” He heard a small voice cry out as a child ran quickly onto the stage. However…as Michael got a closer look at the small child he quickly found it to be the identical twin to the son he had left in Pittsburgh. “Daddy…” The child called out again before lunging into Michael’s unsuspecting arms. Unable to move…Michael was only able to stare at the spiky black hair…clutching to the boy as if for dear life as he tried to figure out what was going on.

“Michael…meet your son Michael Abraham” He heard the talk show host say…tears pouring down her face as Michael caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye. He couldn’t speak as he pulled his young son closer into his body…inhaling his childlike scent as he closed his eyes and allowed his tears to trickle down his own face. “But that’s not all Michael…the rest of your family and friends are here to make amends with you as well” His eyes flew open as he took in the sight of his entire friends and family network making their way onto the stage. It was awkward and uncomfortable as Michael Abraham jumped out of Michael’s arms and into the arms of his mother…leaving him feeling naked and vulnerable. He didn’t know what to say to how to react to the tearful faces staring at him with guilt and shame written across each and every one of them. He wanted to be angry with them and make them hurt as much as he had been hurt by them…but he knew that he couldn’t. Through Ben and the teachings of Buddha he found only love and forgiveness as he gave them a sheepish grin before holding his arms wide open. They all rushed upon him immediately as hugs and kisses galore were placed upon his entire face as tears of utter happiness continued to flow. They all spoke to him at once…but he could make none of it out as he wallowed in the supreme love being sent out by everyone around him. One by one they broke away from him as the talk show host tried to bring back some order to the chaos that had erupted upon her stage.

“Brian…” Michael whispered once the crowd had dispersed and were seated in chair located around the stage. He couldn’t stop the sob that erupted from his throat as the world around him went dead silent. Eyes locked…the two conveyed so much with no words being spoken that it was amazing to know that it had been several years since they had done it before. It was as if they had never been parted…as if no hurts or hateful ways had been expressed as they gravitated before each other out of pure need to feel the other pressed next to him. Tears poured down Brian’s face…his chin quivering as he stumbled towards the man that still claimed his very heart and soul. He knew that he was asking a lot with his eyes as he begged and pleaded still without words for compassion and forgiveness with each step that he took. He knew that all was forgiven as Michael fell into his arms…wrapping his arms around his head as he uttered words the tore at Brian’s very core. “I forgive you and I hope that you can forgive me as well”

He tried to speak…tried to convey how much he loved and needed Michael back in his life…but as he tried he quickly found that mere words were not enough. Taking a deep breath as if to center himself he spoke the only words that would prove to Michael that they could make it though anything no matter what. “Always have…always will”

 

Epilogue…Three Months later…

“I don’t care what the clients are saying. I can’t come back just yet. Because he’s not ready to go back home. I don’t know when. Dammit Cynthia…look I just don’t know ok. Get Patrick to try and calm them down and if he can’t within the week then I will come back” Michael overheard the entire conversation as Brian sat in the bedroom of his one bedroom apartment trying to be as quiet as possible…yet failing miserably. Guilt transcended him as he tip toed into the main room that served as the kitchen…living room and dinning room. He knew that Brian had been trying like hell to make amends for everything that had happened in the past…even so far as losing the clients that put thousands of dollars into his account with each campaign. He knew that Brian was dying to go back to the Pitt’s to be with their friends and family because he missed them more then he would ever express. He knew that Brian was hoping to move their renewed friendship into something that they had never experienced before and was trying desperately to not lose his patience each time Michael thwarted him. He also knew that he loved Brian very much and wanted all the things that he wanted as well…but the fear of failure kept a constant stance within his heart.

“I need to go out for some air” He heard Brian speak as he entered the tiny room…pressing a kiss to his temple before making quick haste for the door.

Once again the guilt blanketed him as he curled up into a ball upon the ratty couch in the middle of the room as he recalled how they had gotten to where they were. The talk show had been a great success…not only had it brought his book to the attention of millions upon millions of readers but it had also helped to heal the wounds between him and his family. After the show was over they all found themselves at their hotel as they talked their way through the pain and the regret of everything that had happened over the span of those few missing years. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place as words of love and promises were made. The entire week after that was more of the same…getting reacquainted with the loved ones that always meant the world to him as well as getting to know the city he had been living in but never really took the time to get out and experience. A week later they were gone…all but one because Brian had refused to leave Michael when…according to him there was still so much to discuss and work out. Michael had to laugh as he recalled the way that Brian had pouted and begged to stay with him in his one bedroom rat hole…because it was obvious that he still held some power over him…and deep down Michael knew that he always would.

He wasn’t sure how he had survived the first week alone with Brian as they tried to work their way through many years of pain and heartbreak. He’d even kicked him out a few times…vowing to never speak to him again…but as usual he gave in and allowed him to come back. Eventually they got to a point where Michael felt comfortable and there was some semblance of what they had had before. However…that all changed one night months later when Brian told Michael that he was still in love with him and then kissed the shit out of him. Michael was stunned…frightened and despite his best efforts more then a little turned out. He still loved Brian…still wanted him in a way that no best friends should want the other best friend and yet he was unable to take that crucial step forward. Brian pretended like he understood…but Michael knew better.

Everything after that went back to normal or as normal as things could be for them. Michael continued to work with his publisher on a new novel he was working on…while trying to deal with the success as his other novel literally blew up the book seller charts. Brian tried to do work from Michael’s apartment though the phone and his lap top but was finding it increasingly more difficult with each passing day. At night they mostly walked the city still trying to get to know each other in the way that they had known each other before…only to end up sleeping alone at the end of each night…Brian on the couch and Michael in his bed. He knew that Brian was quickly coming to the end of his rope and would soon make the final decision to tell him that he was leaving. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this upcoming revelations because on the one hand he thought that maybe he should allow Brian to go back home and move on with his life…and yet on the other hand he didn’t know if he could just let him go and not be a part of that life.

He couldn’t help the laugh that escaped from his lips as he grabbed onto the pony tail laying across his shoulder and as was his normal routine when he was unsure and scared and began to tug on it. Usually with each pull the pain would give him some focus and remind him of Ben…but as he continued to tug it all he could do was smile. Smile as he recalled the way that Brian had practically begged on his knees for him to cut it off. He had tried every trick in the book in order to destroy that rat tail as he liked to call it…but Michael had constantly refused. He had started out originally objecting because of its ties to Ben and his former life…but as he thought more about it he realized that it was now only used as a way to get a rise out of Brian and that thought alone made him smile even wider. It was in the instant that he knew what he had to do. Closing his eyes for a moment he willed a calmness to overcome him before opening them and looking up at the ceiling. It’s time Ben” He whispered aloud…tears pooling at his eyes as he spoke to his dead love. “It’s time for me to move on and as we’ve both always known Brian’s the one that I need to move on with. I love you Ben…don’t you ever doubt that and I always will…but I love him too and he loves me and we need each other. I promise to never forget you and all the wonderful times that we spent together. I know that you understand and will continue to look down upon me from time to time. I’m going to be alright…I just know that I am. I love you” Wiping at his eyes be smiled upwards…blowing the empty air a kiss before racing out the door.

“Where the fuck have you been” Brian cried out the moment that Michael entered the apartment…grabbing onto him in order to ensure that he was truly standing before him. He knew that he was acting like an over protective parent…but he couldn’t shake the fear that Michael was just going to get up one day and walk out of his life…this time forever. “I was so worried…” He spoke more calmly as he helped Michael off with his coat.

“I had to take care of a few things” Michael smiled at the man that despite everything that they had been through he still loved like no other.

“What few things?” Brian asked intrigued by the look of mischief that was dancing across Michael’s dark eyes.

“Well first there was this” Michael responded with a smile and a blush as he removed the knit cap that had been perched atop his head…to reveal a brand new hair cut…much like the way he used to wear it many years earlier. He could tell that Brian was speechless as he continued with his game…reaching into his back pocket as he pulled out two first class tickets to Pittsburgh PA. “I thought that it was time that you and I go back home” He grinned…loving the fact that Brian was still completely speechless. “And then there was just this one last thing that I have to do before we can leave”

“Wh…what?” Brian stuttered…finally able to force a word out.

“This…” Michael pushed on…walking right up to Brian as he grabbed onto the back of his head and jerked it forwards. He could hear Brian’s cry of surprise…but he quickly swallowed it down as he covered his lips across Brian’s own before starting a game of serious tonsil hockey. He knew Brian understood that everything was about to once again change between them as he took the lead…hefted Michael over his shoulder before stumbling into the bedroom.

Placing him on the floor in front of him…he clasped his hands along the sides of Michael’s face…memorizing every line and wrinkle present to memory for he never wanted to forget a single moment of their first time as lovers. “I just want to make sure that you are sure” Brian said barely above a whisper out of stone cold fear of Michael changing his mind.

“I’m sure…” Michael sighed as he leaned into the touch that was Brian…anticipating another kiss as Brian leaned forward and did just that. Neither wanted to rush the moment as ever so slowly one piece of clothing at a time was removed. Brian’s breath still caught in his throat at the sight of the many permanent scars that littered Michael’s chest and stomach. He tired to control them…but with he and Michael about to make love for the first time…his emotional state was at an all time high as a strangled sob escaped from his mouth. The tears quickly followed as he crushed Michael’s nude body against his chest…out of fear that he might disappear right before his very eyes. “Brian…” Michael said…his voice full of concern as the grip Brian had on him intensified.

“They still shock me…every time that I see them” He finally spoke through his tears and his fears. “It just proves to me once again how I could have lost you that day and…”

“Hey…but you didn’t lose me” Michael assured…sliding out of Brian’s grasp before taking his hand and leading him towards the bed. “There was a reason that I didn’t die that day Brian” He went on…laying at his side once he had settled the clearly upset man down.

“Ben…” Brian whispered sadly.

“No Brian…you. I knew that I couldn’t die without seeing you again. You were part of the reason that I willed myself to stay strong and to fight to see another day. I knew that Ben was gone the moment that I woke up and I will always love and miss him…but I’ve always known that you were the one that I truly belonged with”

“If you knew…then why did you leave me even after I told you how I felt about you?” He knew that Michael could read and hear the accusations he was tossing out at him…but he could no longer control them any longer.

“Brian…please…you know why I had to leave. It was something that I had to do for myself. I was meant to be with Ben…with David…with all the men in my life to prepare me for my time with you. I love you Brian…I’ve always have but even you have to admit that if the two of us had tried this any sooner then now that it would have never worked out. You needed to be with Justin so you could learn that you are worth loving and I had to be able to find the love and support of a family. It’s what I’ve always wanted…you know that. You weren’t ready to give me what I needed and truth be told I wasn’t ready to take it from you even if you did. But now I am…if you still want me that is”

Brian wanted to pout like a school child and pretend that Michael’s words of truth made no sense…but he couldn’t. Instead…he flipped Michael onto his back…kissing him sweetly upon his lips before moving downward and softly kissing every scar upon Michael’s body. He heard another strangled cry…but this time it was Michael who stared down at him with tear filled eyes. “Make love to me Brian…” He heard Michael whisper before he moved himself upwards and began an exploration of Michael’s mouth that neither one would soon ever forget. When mouth play soon wasn’t enough Brian once again licked and kissed his way down Michael’s body…making sure to include extra attention to the scars that would forever be a reminder to never take his love for Michael for granted.

“I love you” He whispered across the expanse of Michael’s chest…intertwining their right hands together before inching his way down further. He enjoyed it all…the aromas…the delectable tastes that was purely Michael…burning it to memory for all eternity. He was gentle…he was rough…leaning the ropes as to what Michael responded to and what he did not. He touched and explored every exposed bit of flesh with his mouth and his hand…never once letting go of the hand still held within his own. Closing his eyes he relished the closeness of the moment…for a moment thinking that this was where he should have been so long ago…but he forced those thoughts away. None of that mattered anymore because no matter what had happened they were there now and he was never going to let it get away from him again.

Michael was lost in a land of reality and fantasy all rolled into one as Brian continued to worship his body. He was amazed in the way that the two had finally merged into one after so many years of wanting and yearning for it. It was exactly as he expected it to be…perfection in every way. He responded as if not on his own to every lick…nibble and sniff. His body though abused and scarred craved everything and anything that his soul mate was willing to give him and yet he wanted so much more. The room that had been silent was filling with the sounds of grunts and moans that emanated from his throat without forethought…only to increase when Brian incased his manhood with his mouth. It was magical and overwhelming as the once dormant tool came to life with each swipe…each nibble…each increased suction of his skillful mouth. With his free hand he locked it upon sandy tresses…urging the man below him onward with each painful grasp. Mouth ajar…head tipped back he enjoyed the sensation of Brian’s wet…hot mouth as it bobbed up and down three times…then stopping to nibble and graze his teeth across the tip three times. He was mad with want and desire…but most important he was near delirious with his need to explode. “Br…Brian” He swallowed…his throat dry as another moan of pleasure escaped him. “Brian…please” He begged…squeezing the handful of hair once again to alert the man going to town on his dick that he needed more. “B-R-I-A-N” He screamed in wild abandon as with a few more moments of his expertise attention he came loud and he came hard.

Brian loved the sound of his name ripping from Michael’s lips as he made him come and he vowed to make it a daily choir of his from then on. However…he had needs of his own as he slid up Michael’s sweat sheened body…partaking in a kiss that seemed to not only take Michael’s breath away…but his as well.

“Make love to me Brian” Michael whispered across his lips as they hovered below his. A sob strangled itself in his throat at the amount of love that radiated from dark eyes that he thought would never look at him like that again…but he held strong. Reaching off to the side he located his pants…plucking out the condom and lube that was always on hand…despite the fact that he was no longer the slut he used to be. With another lingering kiss he removed himself from the heat of Michael’s body as he knelt before the man openly exposed and ready for him. With skilled grace he sheathed his penis….adjusting Michael’s hips and legs before lubing the two of them up. Once ready he slide in with no restraints before leaning down across Michael’s body once again. “Tell me you love me” He demanded…one hand at Michael’s waist for support…the other holding Michael’s neck as he cradled his head.

“I love you” Michael whispered without hesitation…his lips immediately swallowed as Brian roughly stole a kiss.

“Again…” Brian cried out in painful pleasure…the simple act of words pushing him closer to orgasm then the tight ass that he was pummeling.

“I love you” Michael cried out a bit louder…his manhood fully restored at the amount of pleasure Brian seemed to be deriving from his words.

“Tell me that you are never leaving me again” His demands increased as did the friction between their two bodies as each floated on the brink of ecstasy.

“Never Again…I promise” Michael cried out wantonly…arching his body upwards as his prostrate was hit over and over again as shooting rods of pleasure enveloped his entire body.

“Your mine…” Brian cried out…sweat seeping from every pore as he coated Michael’s body with its wetness. “Forever…”

“Forever…” Michael concluded.

“Always have…” Brian returned…so close to explosion that he knew that it wouldn’t take much more for him to lose it.

“Always will…” With those words spoken each gave into the true meaning of them as the sparks and pleasure of their combined orgasm washed over them. Sated…they were suffice to lay in each others arms afterwards…each cherishing the time that they had together and the idea of a future where they were together and in love…forever. They were home…the one place where they could only ever be happy. It had been a long journey…but one that was worth all the effort and loss because they had proved that together…you could always go home again.

The End…


End file.
